by Jay Duplessie | Jan 10, 2016 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Slowing Down…….
Slowing down, YA I said it !! Not words you hear often from these lips, and especially in my spin class. I’ve always been this way, even as a kid. And this has turned me into the KING of multi-tasking !
True Story, when I was in my twenties and part of my thirties, I was obsessed with making use of every minute of every day with something that either made money OR furthered my career. Almost never did I just stop and smell the roses. And I used to think it was a great trait !
Because I am not now, nor have I ever been much of a drinker, BUT LOVE to be social, I started bouncing in my early twenties right through the age of about 31. My thought process was “Why go to a bar and pay money when I can go to a bar and MAKE money !?!?” At the same time, I started to teach Group Exercise and was teaching as many as 10 classes a week. I had 7 regular and often would sub as many as 3. My mindset again was “Why pay to work out when I can GET paid to workout.” And did I mention that while doing all of this I was in a full time corporate job racing up that ladder of success lol ?? So YOU do the math…….pretty much every hour was accounted for and I thought I was doing all the right things to be able to settle down and retire early !!! Ya right !!
I’m now in my mid forties and no where near able to retire. And although I don’t work the door at night clubs anymore, and only teach two classes a week, I am still finding myself pushing the limits of multi-tasking. I take my laptop on vacations and work by the pool. I sometimes write you these posts while driving in the car and my kids are fast asleep (Using voice to text by the way, not manually typing). The old me would have thought myself BRILLIANT for making use of every second of every minute of every hour. But I am starting to realize in a very real way that this does more damage than good. My vacations that should send me home rested turn out to be anything but. And those posts that I write to you, when going back recently to read a few of them, I see they have the grammer of a 7 year old and spelling even worse. With respect to my posts, I have been writing stories for 25 years and my process has always been the same. An idea hits me, I email a few words to remind me (For instance this week I emailed “Slowing Down” to myself) and then on Sunday I retreat to my office while the kids are playing and I build on that idea or thought. But one thing I don’t do is read what I wrote. Almost NEVER !!! I am afraid if I do, I won’t like it. Or I will edit it and start losing the message. So I basically write the way I was told to write in a Tony Robbins conference which is to “write for the trash can,” Now he didn’t mean write garbage, he meant write without putting pressure on yourself and let it flow. But I am sure he said that assuming you would at least have someone spell check it for poor grammar lol I don’t even do that since I have no one to ask and the posts are usually already late in getting to Dennis, so I apologize, I need to post better written stories. Hopefully the message still gets through.
During the Christmas and New Year break I found myself in the same old pattern. I had a two page list of ALL that I was going to do over that 10 day period and no where on that list did it say “Take a Nap. Get some Rest. Reward yourself. Honor your body. Meditate. Etc.” It was all “Stuff” that should be done but if I didn’t would not have stopped the rotation of the earth. I tackled that list HARD for about a week until about 4:25 am on New Years day. NO NO NO, I wasn’t out drinking. I was home, alone in a freezing cold garage organizing all the stuff I piled in there during the last month. My contractor built an amazing home gym for me in one half of the garage and so all the stuff on that side was thrown to the other side. So no place to put my truck. And I was tired of this cold snap !! So I stayed home and cleaned =) By 4:30 I was in bed and crashed.
Like clockwork I woke at 7 am when I normally get the kids up for school and since they weren’t home and none of my clients were going to be calling me that day, I said “F” it and went back to sleep…….Till NOON !!!!!!! Let me just say I have not slept till noon since before I got married !! I jumped up and thought about how many things on my “list” hadn’t got done and felt like shit.
Within 30 minutes I was showered and dressed and standing in my not finished garage wondering where to pick back up. I then for the second time in a single day said “F” it and I walked into the house, threw on some flannel pants, and walked down to my movie room with two freshly popped bags of popcorn, a blanket, and sat there for 8 hours watching Netflix all by myself. It was the best and most relaxing 8 hours I have had in years !! No exaggeration…..YEARS !!!!!
Now being that I have taken 3 vacations since my divorce, and probably 6 or 7 while married, the reality that an 8 hour movie binge by myself in Colorado was WAAAAAAYYYYYY more relaxing than any of those vacations, was mind blowing to me. It was like even though I have recently begun to realize that GO GO isn’t always the best thing for me, it wasn’t until this day that it hit me how much damage I am doing to my mind, body, soul, and SPIRIT!!!! I mean, we are here on this earth to LIVE right ??? I gave up worrying about being a billionaire years ago. I know now that the riches that matter in my life are the two beautiful souls that sleep down the hall for me. And although I am not giving up the part of me that says I need to work my ass off so that they are taken care of, I think I am finally realizing that the occasional “F” it is okay every so often. Because no one can or should go 100% all of the time. It’s simply not healthy.
So now to tie it into Indoor cycling and how I teach. Hmmmmmm, it’s hard to say how I can adjust my teaching style only because the place I teach is probably the largest grouping of Type A’s that I have ever seen in one location haha. I have gotten to the point over the years that I rarely do long recovery songs. I generally do maybe one and then tell them to recover after all sprints. So in a 4 minute song, with three sprints, they have 90 seconds of sprints and 2.5 minutes of recovery (If they want it). I know, this is not how we are supposed to be teaching. But trust me when I say, in 20 years what I have found is when I throw on a mellow slow recovery song, 90% of them do a climb. If I do an upbeat dancy song, 90% of them are running out of the saddle. And my class is loaded with hills, sprints, resistance sprints, etc. I don’t do a fluff class ever. But I never worried about it because I feel I am doing what they (my class) expects from me. And to be honest, they are a reflection of how I have always lived. Totally forgetting to stop and smell the roses. I got to thinking and I don’t recall a single day during my marriage that I went up and took a nap “with” my ex wife. She took MANY, trust me lol, but I was usually using that time to work or fold laundry. No joke. To all the single ladies reading this, I’m the mythological dude that cooks, cleans, does laundry, yard work, shops with you and FOR you, and NEVER sits and watches sports, plays video games, or spends money at a booby bar lol Just saying, I got some good qualities 😉
Often when I write I try and think of a slick metaphor so people can visualize what I am trying to say. For this one I came up with this. I grew up in Maine and we had LOT’s of lakes. Not “reservoirs” but Lakes !! And as a kid, for some reason (and still today actually) I HATED to feel the seaweed touching my feet or legs. It was like a phobia and so if I could see murky bottom it would put me in almost a panic.
I remember hundreds of times having to get out to the dock to where my friends were and to do that I would need to jump in and swim like HELL kicking and paddling with my arms as fast as I could. The goal was to kick as fast as I could so that if I felt the seaweed touch my leg I would not notice it because I was kicking so hard. And being that I had taken a boat to the dock plenty of previous times, I knew about where I needed to be so that the bottom was out of view and no seaweed could get me lol So do me a favor and visualize me (or you) doing that. This way when I finish the story you’ll get the point. So are you thinking of it ?? Your kicking in a panic, doing your best stroke, and your eyes are closed so you don’t have to see that murky bottom. Heart is RACING both from the workout as well as the panic of touching bottom. You’re almost breathless and then you see that you’re beyond the “danger point” of touching bottom. You still have tons of momentum carrying you. Then what I would do is turn onto my back and glide across the water (well as much as a chunky kid can glide anyway. I’ve always been “big boned” lol). That feeling of being past the hard part and just enjoying the fact that I was there in a gorgeous lake and could now enjoy my time with friends without worrying about the murky bottom was awesome. Maybe it sounds stupid to someone who didn’t suffer this fear haha. I can only describe it as the same feeling one might get with heights or snakes. It literally bothered me that much haha
So the feeling this New Years day was just that. I have been kicking and paddling my whole life and ESPECIALLY the last 18 months trying to get my life back. My health back. My SELF WORTH back. And it took a lazy day and a whole lot of Netflix to finally remind myself that I’m gonna be alright……….but only if I slow down from time to time. Only if I turn over onto my back and glide every now and then. And the added bonus I got from sitting on my Ass that whole day was that I got to look around the house and see I got a pretty cool set up haha. I have 3 of everything and so why am I beating myself up for more “Stuff” when in reality I got more than enough stuff that I’m not slowing down to ENJOY as it is !!! I have lots to offer right now to my kids, my friends, and any future wife. I don’t need to spend every waking hour building and building and building. The down time matters too. The time to reflect matters too. And the time to HONOR yourself for the Journey and the progress you’ve made REALLY matters.
I haven’t always been a level headed mature adult through the last 18 months. Anyone who has gone through divorce can attest to this. There’s heart ache and pain and when you add to that infidelity you can imagine how easy it would be to be a name calling SOB from time to time. I’m not proud of everything I did or said through this, BUT I am proud of how I handled and maintained myself through most of it, probably close to 90%. But what my solo Netflix day got me thinking about was how proud I was of where I am today, right now, given all those shitty circumstance. And as for my health, I can be proud of that too !! Sure I am not where I want to be, BUT I could have thrown in the towel and given up but I didn’t. All I did was put it in Neutral for a while and so kudos to me for not being as far off as I thought I was.
The point…….oh how I find it hard to get to “the point” these days lol. These posts are so therapeutic for me and they get my mind going in so many places that it’s sometimes hard to narrow down to just one point. But let me try.
I think every one of you reading this can relate to much of what I have laid out. If teaching for you is a “job” then you probably aren’t reading this. If it’s a Passion for you, then you most likely are reading this post and many others because you’re trying to grow and make yourself better for your students. So if you’re reading this and can relate to doing some of these same things, than ask yourself how you can fix it. For me, I am going to give myself TWO “F” it days a month. No excuses and work will have to wait. I need these days like a car needs fuel. And what I KNOW will happen is that the other 28 days of the month will be way more productive because of the rest I gave my body, mind and soul. For class I will go back to my old way of doing recovery songs. I used to put on something inspirational (Try the Top Gun theme sometime, the instrumental one not Danger zone) and speak to them from the heart about why they deserve the recovery and to focus on the things they should be proud of in their life, the class, or anything that makes their heart swell. I used to remind them of the value to be able to “feel that pain” in their legs when so many are stuck in a bed or wheelchair. The gift they have to see, hear, and smell (well maybe not smell) all the things around them in that moment, because so many can’t. I’m going to try and get back to, I mean I AM GOING TO GET BACK TO inspiring my classes and helping shift their focus into gratitude and NOT just try to make them puke with endless sprints. Because to be honest I am tired of being tired. I am tired of focusing on where I failed and forgetting ro remind myself of where I succeeded. And the only way for me to do that is to turn over on my back every so often and let my body coast over to the dock. I’m worth it, YOU’RE worth it, and the people who come and invest 1 plus hours of their day with US are worth it.
Have an amazing week and I hope my message helped at least some of you !!
Peace.
Jay
by Jay Duplessie | Dec 20, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
In my early 30s when I had disposable income and time, I did a lot of self help and motivational seminars. You name it, I tried it. Always looking for a way to find a better me, a more successful me. One of my favorites was Tony Robbins. I attended 4 seminars and spent a lot of time and money. To this day there are things I sayings and lessons I still use. I was hooked until it started to feel more about the money to them than actually helping people. But that doesn't take away from the fact that many of his lessons and principals are incredible. Who else has mentored so many amazing and successful people ?
One line that I loved and use in a different for is this “if you're WHY is big enough, you will find a way.” In My class for the last 12 or so years I say my version of this which is “what's your REASON.” I'll say something during a hill Climb it right before a sprint “what's your reason to be here, to work harder, to push further” etc then I will say something like “If it's for your health, do it for that. If it's for your kids do that”
etc, etc.
So this week I want to write on this idea because last weekend I had a “what's my reason” moment that in hindsite was so rediculous, but got me thinking a lot about my reasons and why I do things.
Now don't make fun when I tell you this. I was invited to a small gathering last weekend. I showed up a little late, last person to arrive actually. As I walked in I was INSTANTLY blown away by the person standing clear on the other side of the room. Like the kind of blown away seen in a romantic comedy lol. Actually, the perfect example so you can visualize is the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Jim Carey sees Lauren Holly and it zooms into her while music starts playing. Haha.
So I walk in, starts meeting people, shaking hands, learning names, checking her hand for a ring (the usual stuff a single guys does) lol. Before long though I realized that if she had a partner he was not there and no wedding ring. Probably haven't been this taken by someone in 30 years! The conversation in my head seemed normal at the time but looking back I was being an idiot. Things like, she's too pretty for me. She'd never want to date me. Maybe if i worked out harder. Maybe if I got a more cool hair cut, nicer clothes, and on and on lol. The longer we all talked the more evident it became that she was too
Young for me anyway. Probably 28 or 29. My dreams were dashed before I even got to know her lol. It probably took 4 days before I could stop thinking about her lol. I've always been that kind of love sick dreamer though haha
Anyway, the point of the story, and the direction my thought process went was, how we will put something off or neglect it until our REASON (or as TR says “your WHY) is big enough. I've been wanting to get in better shape, stop drinking dt soda, and eat better for YEARS. And from the moment I opened that door and saw her smile I was ready to never eat another cheese burger, never miss a workout, and do anything I could to get her attention lol So how stupid is that ? What's more important, a girl or my health??? Why am I putting off getting in the best shape of my life when in reality ALL my reasons to do so are more important than meeting a women? I have kids who need me, a million goals to accomplish, and friends and family who want me around. I'm not joking, that night I was so taken that I would have signed a contract to do anything needed if it meant I could wake up next to her every day lol Crazy right ??
In my life I have had the good fortune to not really know addiction. At least not the ones we cringe about. Sure I have some not life threatening ones (pizza, fresh chocolate chip cookies, TH (only my friends will
Know what TH is lol) but none of the big ones like smoking, alcohol, gambling, etc. BUT I have a family full of addicts who can't stop doing/using the above. And I see how they have given Into it like there's no other solution. But I have to wonder if their “reason” was big enough and in their face enough, if they would stop. I see signs all the time that (in my opinion) would be a big enough reason to stop. If your kids tell you they don't like Sunday's during football because you're always drunk, to me THATS a reason. Of your doctor tells you that you have emphysema and you could die from it, than why 30 years later are you still
Smoking ?? I could go on and on, but my point is that maybe it's not as simple as someone's “Reason” or their why. Maybe if the individual doesn't have the inner strength or worse, of they love themselves more than others, maybe the reasons and the why don't matter. I would HATE to think that could be true, but these days I'm not sure. To many of us (myself included) are doing shit we know isn't good for us. Maybe if my doctor says “if you don't stop drinking diet soda you're going to die on (enter specific date because I am too superstitious to make one up) then I maybe I wold stop ? I really wonder. Am I strong enough ?
Two things you will hear me gush about my kids and my gym. I make no excuse for either. Even when married, my ex and I would be on date night and 10 minutes in would be looking at the baby came to stare at what we created. And now that I am dating again, if the person asks ANYTHING about my kids the phone comes out and photos start flying. They are my everything, my REASON. Any parent can relate. My gym though is different. The management is like a family to me, no doubt. BUT ALMOST as important as that is, teaching those classes. With all the crap we deal with on a daily basis, all the information overload we have to sift through, when I am in that spin room and in my “zone,” I like to tell myself that at least one person taking class is there for a reason. A reason so big, so powerful to them that they would be willing to give up 90 minutes of their day to be with me for class. And if they are, than it is my obligation to give them everything. Maybe it's someone who feels overweight or ugly. Maybe someone whose spouse abuses them and they need to feel strong again so they can leave. Maybe the doctor gave them bad news about their cholesterol. It could be a million things. And if I don't BRING IT then I have added to the problem instead of being part of a solution because now they have 90 less minutes of their life to solve what's hurting them.
I say this ALL the time in class. Spinning has GOT to be about more than spinning a wheel. It's got to be about more than listening to my playlist. If the point was to be able to say “I went to the gym today” than simply sitting on the parking lot in your car with a happy meal and smokes would be much easier than what we put these people through right ?
So the next time you teach, remember this. People in that class are there for a REASON and what the reason is doesn't have to make sense to you. But as passionate instructors we owe it to them to help them in their journey. And the best part is while we are helping them with their “reason,” we are benefiting in a million ways ourselves. I love what I do and am grateful for the opportunity. My list of things I made in the hopes of being the guy who got to be with the girl from the party was a GREAT LIST !!! I just need to apply it to the right “reason.” And in addition, that whole incident reminded me of two very important things. One, I am still not back to my old confident self and need to work on that. And two, that it's time I align my priorities better because I have a lot more to do for a lot more people. And WHEN I do, a girl like that will love me not for my waste size but for the man I am on the inside. If you ask me, that's a pretty fucking good REASON !!! (See previous post for explanation of the use of the F word here. It was on purpose).
Peace !!
Jay
by Jay Duplessie | Dec 13, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Over the years I have filled a folder with story ideas, most of which I haven’t begun to develop yet. My plan was always to publish a book of short stories one day and a few of those you have already read in previous posts. Every week I sit down with the intention (great word) of taking one of those ideas off the list and writing to you. But lately it seems that my life has had a different plan and (in my humble opinion) has laid in front of me some great seeds to plant a new thought down into words.
If you haven’t noticed yet, I am over the top in love with my kids and my role as a father. The other day I thanked my ex for giving me these kids. It was in the context of her thanking me for taking care of my daughter who needed to go to Urgent Care for ear aches. It was my ex’s day, but she couldn;t get out of work, so I went to get her. We have finally begun to be able to work as a team which is a great feeling in itself.
Anyway, she thanked me for taking her and I said something like “I enjoy being able to be there for her when she is in need or in pain. Protecting her gives me purpose.” It’s the last line I want you to remember because when i said it I knew I had always felt it, but never verbalized it. I kind of had one of those “hmmmm, did I write that?” looks on my face haha. It hit me that right now it’s my main focus, and that’s a good thing. When my marriage ended I had a huge feeling of loss, and if I was being truthful I would say it was less a feeling of loss for my ex, and MORE of a feeling of loss of my purpose. We all probably do this to ourselves right ? We create our identity based around the things we “choose” to be our purpose. And so although I lost the purpose of Love and protecting my wife, I never lost the role and purpose of doing that for my kids. That to me is a magical feeling.
Flash forward to today. After making my first Waffles EVER (the Disney Cruise with the kids last week resulted in my kids deciding that Waffles Rock, so I bought me one and the ex one, and now we are waffle people since our kids are hard as hell to get to eat anything), I had my kids on my lap on the couch hugging and kisssing. My daughter Taylor asked to see my phone, which she always does, and I knew if I gave it to her she would be on Youtube watching a bunch of mind numbing LPS videos. If you have kids you know what that is, but if you don’t it’s basically what Cabbage Patch Kids were to my generation. Little dolls that people (mostly adults) do voices to and make really stupid little shows that my daughter is addicted to. But I digress haha So instead of letting that scenerio play out again, I asked if she wanted to watch some of my saved videos of when she was a baby at the hospital. She said YES YES YES !! =)
So I went through a bunch and we all laughed and smiled and it was great. Several funny comments came out of it like Taylor refering to herself and saying “Oooooohhh mmyyyyy gaaaawwwwdddd I was gorgeous” lol and “What happened to mommy’s face” which was swollen from giving birth and weight gain from being pregnant. I said “Taylor her face is swollen from GIVING YOU LIFE” lol I forgot they had never seen their mom heavy because when not preggo she’s barely 110 lbs. Surpisingly she didn’t notice or mention her dad who at the time of her birth was a disgusting 242 lbs which was the heaviest I had ever been. All related to stress and frustration with my career. They know me now, a sleek 190 lbs lol
The last video I played was titled “Taylor’s first Bath.” It was me recording the nurse giving her a bath in the hospital. She basically SCREAMED the whole time, until ONE MOMENT at 2:58 into the video. You will have to go to thie link to watch it if you want to know why it brought me to tears……happy tears. And why my daughter said “I knew it was my daddy.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKlEbsQqVEM
Watching this today with them made me remember a quote I have said in class for all my 20 years. Not sure where it came from or if it’s something I reworded from another quote, but it’s always been a powerful one. I’m not taking credit for the quote, but I am also not giving it to anyone because I am not sure who coined it and I need to get this story over to Dennis to post so you will have to look it up yourself haha. The quote I use is “Life is filled with Days that meaning nothing, but MOMENTS that mean everything.” Before I throw that line out in class I usually say something personal and only after building the moment up, so in this short post it may not have the same pizzazzz lol but here itt goes. I would say “I may not remember what tv show was on, or what I had for lunch on the day my kids were born, but I CAN describe perfectly the first sound they made. Then I say (insprational music and trumpets kick in here please haha) “That’s because LIFE is filled with Days that mean nothing, but MOMENTS that mean everything!!!” Then I usually tell them I don;pt cae if they forget the rest of class, but remember this one sprint 20 years from now. There’s a lot of “lines” I have over used in the last 20 years, but that one (in my opinion) isn’t due for retirement just yet.
My point…oh how I know it takes me so long each week to get to “my point” lol What can I say, I love to write and if I had the ability to make a living doing it I would. So my stories draw off into many tangents haha. The point is that we all know and live that quote I mentioned. You may not know who wrote it, and you may have never heard it said like that, but you live it just the same. When I look at the life my kids are going to have to navigate through compared to mine as a kid it scares me to death. I only had to know what my teachers taught, how to get to a few tv channels an hour or two a day, and how to DIAL (no, not tap a screen but physically dial a rotary phone), and maybe every so often fix my bike chain. NOW look at all these kids have to learn and all the constant information they have to take in, sift through, and decide which are the things they will store and which are garbage and can be forgotten. And with that kind of dumping of informtation, are they at risk to forget some important things!?!? I’m sure they will, and I’m equally sure it will be okay. And the reason why is that they will only forget some memories…….but my daughter who is 4 and a half, won’t forget the “MOMENT” that her dad cried like a baby when we watched together the “MOMENT” that her dad and her had on May 9th, 2011 close to midnight at Sky Ridge Hospital which was recorded and can be seen at 2minute and 58 seconds into the Youtube video link below =)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKlEbsQqVEM
If you have read any of my posts you probably also know that my class and the gym where I have taught for almost 20 years are also a huge “purpose” for me. Anyone who teaches for any length of time MUST have it as a purpose because its not really something that the majority of us can do to make a living from. For me it’s never felt like a job, at least not at this gym. It’s something I take Pride in, care about, look forward to, and that really does help my feel like I have a purpose in this life. I assume only other instructors read this; however non instructors should know that for us (instructors) we do it because we all have a need to be part of the solution (better health and fitness) and are absolutely addicted to that ever present positive energy that builds up in a class that YOU (the instructor) are orchestrating. And when it’s good, it’s life feeding. When it’s bad, its crushing. As an instructor how many times have you felt like you failed in the attempt, only to have someone come up and say how great it was. If you’re like me, you usually say thank you but because you didn’t feel it you don’t take the credit. Well WHY NOT !?!?!? It’s not just about you !! (yelling at myself now haha). If THEY (the person taking your class) had a “MOMENT” then you just helped one person succeed right ?? Let them have that moment and just do a better job next time right ? And most of all, BE THANKFUL that you were present in someone elses moment. Getting a gues role in a movie still makes you a movie star right ?? =)
If you have kids, do this with your kids but if you don’t than do it with someone you love or who knows you well. If you don’t have anyone around than do it with yourself (mind out of the gutter please). Sit down with a pen and paper and start writing down some memories in as much detail as you can. The example I gave earlier was the day my kids where born. Write it all down and then when finished walk away for a few hours or even a day. Then come back to it and what you will find (like I did) is that all the “memories” will be surrounding the “MOMENT” like an army ready to attack. Being in the Hospital is a memory. Knowing her date of birth is in my memory. Remembering that they gave her a bath right after coming out is a memory. What color my under wear was, lost forever. Which phone I had at the time, couldn’t care less. But what took place on that video at 2 minutes and 58 seconds and lasted long enough to know that it wasn’t a fluke and that a MOMENT, no wait a FUCKING MOMENT (read earlier post to get the meaning of adding the cuss word there lol) was taking place is something that will stay in my mind and most of all my heart, for eternity. And I know that you have those moments too both in your past and in your future. As instructors who get to push people through uncomfortable physical situations, we have the responsibility to anchor their success to something mentally and spiritually powerful so that they can access it later when we aren’t there to help them along. For me I use sappy personal stories like this, but maybe for you it’s something totally different. So find out what yours are so you can REMIND youself of their power, and then use the principal in your class and through out your whole life. There’s so much power in it for them as well as you. It’s what reduced a 190 lb bad ass (kidding) like me to tears on a Sunday morning lol
I’m a Father, I’m a Spin Instructor, I’m a Business Owner, I’m a son, a brother, and American and on and on and on. Some of these roles give me purpose, some also give me memories, and some I have great passion for. But they are all still just “ROLES” just like Jeniffer Aniston plays in a movie right ? She isn’t the person she plays in those movies, BUT every so often I am sure she acts out a scene that she is proud of and for her that’s the moment she decides to remember because that’s her moment. It doesn’t mean the rest of the movie didn’t matter, it just means that if she could only save one clip it would be that one. I had a failed marriage and I can choose to kick myself for the failure, or remember all the horrible parts at the end, OR I can remember the moments that brought me joy like those two little bundles upstairs playing while I type this to you. And because I am able to do that, forget the “memory” but remember the MOMENT, I was able to sincerely thank my ex wife for giving me my children and ultimately a greater PURPOSE than I have ever had. And that my friends is more powerful than any negative thought I’ve ever had!!
I always get to the end of my posts and feel like I need a “Doogy Howser” clever ending line. Something that ties it all in and is funny lol Something that the guys will say “damn I wish I talked that smooth” lol and just in case my soulmate and future wife is reading, something good enough to show all my sweet and caring sides while still sounding like bad ass who could protect her from anyone lol But right now I am drawing a blank and this post is due in a few minutes. So I will end with this — Thank you for reading my posts and for allowing me another week to force myself to look at my life and the world around me so that I may find the beauty and gifts all around me. I was in a dark place for a while and only saw things to bitch about and now I find myself remembering who I was and how I loved life and felt a passion to inspire others. Each day I get less and less angry with my circumstances and more and more in love with the life I currently have. And this is in large part from the purpose I’ve been given to write this post to you all. I hope it’s touched, helped, or inspired at least a few of you. Now go make some moments !!
Peace
Jay
by Jay Duplessie | Dec 7, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Have you ever been in a hotel, friends spare bedroom, or anywhere that you would find yourself staring up at the ceiling and thinking to yourself “huh, I wonder if they know there’s a crack in the ceiling?” Well I have, both literally and figuratively over the last 15 months and I’d like to reflect a little.
I’m typing this from a balcony on the Disney Fantasy Cruise ship. My kids are finally asleep after a LOOOONG amazing day on the ship which ended with a pajama night movie in one of the huge full size Disney Theatres. We watched “Inside Out” in 3D and if you haven’t seen it, you must !!! I’m a man of constant connecting of the dots to create metaphors not only for my class but also for myself and this movie is literally the best written extended metaphor on life, our thoughts, and our personalities that I have ever seen or imagined. I had a book idea 10 years ago that I shared with a handful of people that had a similar concept as this movie, but no where near as brilliantly or well scripted as this and in a way that a 4 year old can understand it while a 45 year old can sit in awwwww. Now, MY book idea seems pretty silly to be honest, even if the “concept” is similar. Anyway, the point is that on this trip I found myself staring at the ceiling on the first night, in a Hyatt hotel at the Orlando Airport. And sure enough……there was a crack in the ceiling.
This week I had a whole different plan for my post, which got side tracked because I didn’t account for all the effort it was going to take to bring my 2 and 4 year old by myself on an airplane and then onto a Disney cruise ship lol =) Luckily my mom and niece met me for the cruise portion so I am not alone now. But that night in the hotel, staring up at the ceiling, wide awake, I found myself writing a whole different post.
Although it may not seem it, I have tried hard to keep my personal life (my divorce) out of my writing lol Can you believe it ?? I thought for sure I was back 100% to the old me, only writing upbeat and positive stories. And this one will be too, and if it comes out the way it sounded in my head, then it may be my favorite one yet. But to get to the point, I need to share a brief bit of not so “upbeat” recent history.
So the reason I found myself up late the night before the cruise, staring at the ceiling of a Hyatt hotel, was that 15 months ago I was in that same hotel waiting for an urgent flight home after finding out my wife of 4 years, and mother of my kids, was having at least two “phyiscal affairs” and at least three others that I can only speculate on based on pages and pages of sext messages. No not text, “sext.” Being back in that hotel brought back a ton of crap. And the “crack in the ceiling” was methorically the exact same thing that it felt like when I found out I was being disrespected and cheated on. I went from thinking I had a solid marriage with no more than the average amount of very minor issues, to realizing I not only had a crack in the hull, but a total breech and my ship was filling with water faster than any amount of repair or pumping could fix. My ship was going down fast and by the time I hit the Denver Airport later that day, I had found out so much about the prior four months that it was obvious the ship not only sunk, but in reality wasn’t a ship at all. I’d been tricked into thinking one thing when the exact opposite was happening right under my nose.
Why is this important to my post? Well what I think I realized the other night, while staring at that crack in the ceiling, was that since this all started (15 months ago) I have done nothing but look for cracks in my every day life, literally AND figuratively. I live in a home that was built 10 years ago and if you have ever been in this position you know that around this time you need to start replacing pretty much everything. The floor, the carpet, the roof, repaint the outside, etc etc etc. So as I mentioned in an earlier post, rather than enjoy the areas I have redone recently, I focus only on the “other cracks” I see all over the house that need my constant attention to fix and repair. I did the same thing when the marriage ended at first, I looked and looked and looked for all the cracks I had not seen and when I finally opened my eyes I saw them, and they were everywhere. I do it as a parent too. I have been working so hard to keep my kids in a good school where they have stability and also pull off paying for this Disney Cruise, that I have cracks all through my health now. Back so bad I can’t hardly get out of bed some mornings. Weight creeping back up. Bags under my eyes all the time and I can’t remember a good nights sleep in at least 15 months. But my stubborn pride is such that it won’t let the fact that my “marriage ship” sank effect the ability to keep my “Family ship” afloat. So even though I am exhausted, I haven’t missed one family holiday with the kids to make sure they saw Thanksgiving, Christmas, and even their moms birthdays over the last year and a half even though I was in pain, and this vacation was no different. But in doing all of this, I sacrificed things that ARE important and that is my physical health. The point is, by trying to avoid cracks in one area of my life, I have created enormous ones in other parts. And just like if you were spending the night at a friends and noticed one while sleeping in their extra bedroom (a crack in the ceiling), the fact is they probably have no idea it’s there because they don’t sleep in that bed and weren’t looking for it. So should you tell them ? Would that knowledge evolve into a day of them on a ladder patching it only to find that the wall needed it to, then if you’re painting the spare room, shouldn’t they do the hall, then the living room, then the kitchen, etc etc ? Or are they better off not knowing for now? Does that crack really matter or could they be focusing on more urgent matters?
So that’s as far as I got on that “story” that I didn’t finish in my head because something incredible happened today. After chewing on that story idea for a day and a half, I was alone with the kids (alone meaning no mom or niece, but surrounded by hundreds of strangers) on deck 11 of the ship. This is where the pools are along with the place we have spent most of our time (the soft serve ice cream machines that my son is addicted to like crack). I was sitting with the kids who were wrapped in towels, shivering from being at the pool all day and now the little 80 degree wind was making them a tad bit cold. Without knowing it I found myself fixated on my son Brady’s cheek, then his nose, then his ear, then his lips, then his beautiful brown eyes. I kept thinking “I helped make this beautiful human being.” I saw the lines from his skin being waterlogged from a full day soaking in the chlorine, the cracks on his lips from being dried by the sun, the way his hair was pointing in 1 million directions from the wind blowing it, and the dried vanilla ice cream that covered his face, neck, and belly. And in that second, that moment, I realized I had been staring at him for close to 10 minutes just taking in every single micro millimeter of that boys face like I was studying it for the SAT’s !! And may god strike me dead if I am lying, I began to feel a lump in my throat and eyes welling up because I realized that I have been so focused on trying to do everything I can for them and fought so hard on SO many issues during the divorce, that I had begun to lose focus on some MUCH more important things. I “see” my kids almost every day, but what I realized is that “seeing” them isn’t the same as what I was experiencing in that moment. I felt like I was seeing them for the first time and it felt awesome. And I began to wonder what it’s gonna take to stop dwelling on the cracks that just don’t matter so that I can spend MORE time on the ones that do. Because honestly if I don’t patch some very serious cracks soon (my health for one) than not much else is going to matter.
So if you have time this week, metaphorically speaking, look around at your home for cracks. Look at the way you teach class, and are you putting too much emphasis on one thing and not enough on another ? Life is hard enough without us putting on extra baggage and expectations of ourselves especially if it’s on things that don’t suit us or make us better. Because there is going to come a day when you’re counting your “moments” and those either caused you great pain or great pleasure……….and no one wants to feel like they patched the wrong cracks. Now go out there and promote the “good” kind of crack 😉 I know I will !!
Peace
Jay
by Jay Duplessie | Nov 23, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Belief vs Conviction
This week’s post may result in the loss of some reader because I am going to be throwing the “F” Bomb around!! Not in a negative way, in a GOOD way. Yep, there’s such a thing. Lol
This week in one of my classes I happen to be hitting on all cylinders, in the zone, “one” with my class haha. If I haven’t mentioned already, my teaching style is all improve, meaning I don’t prepare any play lists or even what I want to say. I just get up there, make a few announcements, and speak whatever comes to mind. Usually it’s clean and motivational, but every so often I will slip into a thought that requires me a little emphasis lol. Because I don’t tape every class, and didn’t have this prepared when I said it, I am not going to spend a lot of time on it because frankly it was a “you had to be there” kind of moment. You know when you do or say something and the kinetic energy in the room spikes enough that the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up !? Yep, it was THAT kind of “moment.”
The jist of it was this. We were four songs into a leg burning hill climb, sweating like crazy, breathing harder than I have in WEEEEEEEEEEEKKKSS and a semi full class that was in total alignment with me. I was in a moment of feeling such gratitude for so many things in my life; my health, my career, my business, my gym, and most of all my kids. I heard half the class grunting and grinding right along with me and thought how amazing it was that these people were following me. I started to say something along the lines of “You need to do more than “believe” you can finish this hill, you need the conviction. Not the kind of conviction it takes to bake a cake, but the type it takes to do something you love. Something where you have so much passion and focus, that no matter what you are always in the zone.” And then I reminded them, as I always do, that my greatest joy in life is being a father to my Daughter Taylor and my son Brady. And then I shared with them the other joy I have in being able to teach that class every week at the same time for almost 19 years. And somehow I tied it all in and built it up until the end where I explained that those two things in my life right now I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have conviction for. The fact that I loved that class and the moment we were sharing and were totally committed to it, and then how the same applied to my kids. But let’s just say I didn’t say it quite like that haha. I said something more along of the lines of “If you want this hill than you need to do more than believe, you need to have the conviction that you won’t stop till the song ends. The kind of conviction you have in something or someone important to you. YOU all know where in my life I have this conviction (being a father) and that it comes easy because I love it, no I FUCKING LOVE IT.” Lol Half the class laughed, half the class gasped lol In that mix I think a couple got a charge from it lol And I am sure I have a comment card in my folder for me by now, but it was worth it.
There was another time in my life where I found the need to actually use the “F” bomb to make a positive point. It was my ex-girlfriend from about 10 years ago. That honeymoon phase where you first start saying “I love you.” We were at my house and she started to say it and I stopped her and said “WAIT.” I ran down to my car and grabbed a card that I bought 2 weeks earlier where I wrote in there that I Loved Her but didn’t want to scare her away so put it in that sealed envelope so I could show her I felt it when I did (earlier then when she said it lol). Anyway, within a week the feeling got so intense that just saying “I love you” wasn’t enough and so “I FUCKING Love you came out a few times and we laughed about it and both agreed that sometimes you gotta throw your hip into it and drop the “F” Bomb. Haha
So after class while driving home I started to think about what I said. I started to feel pride in the “Conviction” I have at being a spin instructor who wasn’t just teaching but was right there working as hard as anyone. I started to feel even MORE Pride for my “Conviction” of being a father. Both of these things I “Believed” I could do and could do well, but now with Conviction I can say I am doing my absolute best !!! Then like a punch in the gut I ran out of things in my life I could say I felt the same level of conviction for. I “Believe” in a lot of shit (cuss word for emphasis to go with the theme of the story) but I need more things in my life that I have a strong level of conviction. So many great opportunities in front of me that I am batting around like a kitten hitting cotton balls. So many things in my life just on the edge of moving into the next level, but for whatever reason I am not grabbing them by the neck and making them a priority, something I love. My business is good, but could be great. My home is good, but I could appreciate and enjoy it more than I do, instead of constantly making lists of projects that need to be done so the house can THEN be good enough to sit down and watch a movie on the couch. Amazing people in my life that I make “just enough time for” because of all the excuses I make about how being a single dad and small business owners means I get a pass for being a true friend to someone. And don’t get me started on dating. My “belief” is that no women wants to date a man who has two toddlers because that means 18 plus hears of work, so I might as well settle into being a monk until Brady moves out to play Pro Football (He’s almost three but if you saw him you would understand lol). I’m going to stop letting myself settle for a bucket full of Belief’s and half started “convictions” and begin to place them in order of importance. Who knows how much time I or WE have left on this earth? I don’t want to be gone and have people say “He believed he was a great dad” I want them to say “He was a Great FUCKING dad and he had such passion and conviction for it. And I am confident that if I can put that same effort, passion, and love into a handful of other things in my life, than there’s a life out there that is bigger and better than I have ever imagined. And what makes this so exciting is that I believe this is possible for everyone and maybe, just maybe I can help a few others along the way. We (all you instructors) have an open door into classes full of people’s minds. We get to inject a thought or feeling into them at just the right time. Using endorphins and music, we can “ANCHOR” a feeling into their brains. What a gift we have, and so it’s up to us as instructors to use this power wisely. And when you do, don’t be afraid to throw out the occasional “F” Bomb because the only thing better than a great life is a FUCKING Great Life !!!
Peace !!
Jay
by Jay Duplessie | Nov 10, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
“I believe I can AND I can because I believe”
So often quotes come to me in class, during a drive, or any number of random moments. This one hit me the other day and it sounded so good, i thought “SOMEONE MUST HAVE ALREADY COINED THIS and maybe I heard it.” I have since did a google search and haven't found it said this way. So full disclosure, either this was in my brain from some past experience of hearing it, OR I wrote a really kick ass new quote LOL I don't really care because I'm not interested in printing and selling t-shirts. Either someone wrote it, or I wrote it, but so long as you read it and “believe” it, my job is done haha
I recall when I first started teaching, I had 10 laminated sheets of paper with quote after quote after quote. And through-out class, in no particular order, i would throw these out. Things like “If you can read this, I'M WINNING.” I would say that at the end of a 4 minute song with 4 sprints in it. I'd talk them thru the race, 4 people in front of them, right before the sprint would say “Opponent one is right in front of you and her shirt says “Winning isn't everything, but wanting ti win is.”” You get the picture. Then that 4th sprint would throw the “If you can read this……” quote. To me that was the one that drove someone to go the extra mile (no pun).
I compiled the quotes, wrote many of them, and told all kinds of stories that would incorporate our ride with thoughts and feelings that I had, and always in a way to motivate and inspire. I was in a really good place back then, and feeling like I would live forever. That's how we feel in our late 20's and early 30's right?? Then something happens. It's harder to get out of bed, sore back and cracking joints. It becomes harder to keep weight off, and wrinkles start to appear. Then the grey….oh the grey. I hear all the time “Grey makes a man look more sophisticated” and maybe it does. I am not so vain as to worry how the grey make me look, for me it's about how it makes me “feel.” It's that reminder that I am getting older. The reminder that this incredible life I have is very much like a “ride” and that ride is closer to being finished than it was 20 years ago. Scary shit……Is this what they call a midlife crisis ?? haha
So one story I used to tell
a lot in class, and that I sprinkled some quotes in on, was this (summarized) – “Right now if you're thinking back on a better time or place, and saying I wish I was young like that, thin like that, happy like that, whatever, JUST KNOW, that 20 years from NOW you're likely to be saying the same thing about this very moment in time. So don;t let this one pass you by while your missing one that is already long gone.” I realized that between my 10 laminated sheets of quotes, and
ALLLLLLL my stories that people told me they loved and were inspired by, that I used to have a pretty good arsenal of inspiration, motivation, and an all around passion for life. So what the “F” happened ?? Why did I stop using my quotes ? Why did I start looking more at what Ached and less at what was working totally fine? Sure, the “ride” has less time on the clock now than it did 20 years ago, BUT I'M NOT DEAD YET ????
LOL I have so much more to do, people to touch, memories to make. And not living my passion and vision for how I used to see the world is only hurting myself. I got two amazing children out of the last 6 years and they are the greatest gift I could have ever imagined. I want them to see the “Motivational Spinner Jay” NOT the “poor me, woe is me” Jay. And when that quote came to me last week, I felt a little spark in my soul. Something was trying to light. Whoever wrote it, and if I just reworded one that I had hear before, who cares. I am not taking ownership of the quote, I am just saying that I used to carry those in my soul and they helped drive me. They gave me ideas and drove me to all sorts of scary goals that i tackled one at a time. So why now, when things are more challenging than ever, would I abandon those things ? It's time to get back to basics for me. Regroup and figure out what it was that got me here, and modernize it a little to introduce the new people in my classes to the person i know I still am.
Here's the message, the homework, the “moral” of the story. If you have been teaching for a while, and feel a bit stale, go back to the instructor you were when you started. The one who used to get sick to your stomach from nerves to be up in front of a full class. The one who wrote cheat sheets on post it's and spread them all over the mirror so you wouldn't forget what to say. The one who laminated 10 double sided sheets of paper with quotes to inspire. Because the juice is in the reason that we started to begin with, and for me that reason was to motivate and inspire, NOT just to tell them how to peddle a bike.
