by Jay Duplessie | Aug 12, 2019 | Engage Your Students, Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Blink, Blink, Blink …………………goes the clock on your VCR. Yep, I said it, VCR. It is mind boggling to me that I have children (ages two and four) who will never know a Tape Player, VCR, 8 Track, and possibly even a DVD. Technology moves fasters than the fastest cyclist on his/her best day. But this story isn’t about VCR’s or technology. It’s to illustrate a point about how we as a culture like to change, modify, and complicate things even when they don’t need to be. I am writing this even at the risk of getting backlash from much more “technical” and experienced outdoor riders. But like I said in my first post, I speak from the heart and you’re either going to love me or hate me. If you’re looking for stats or data to shave off 3 seconds from your hill climb…..then I’m not your guy.
I still remember the very first VCR my mom and stepfather bought. He was a car dealer and had gotten a great bonus check. It was summer, probably July, and we loaded up in the car and headed to the Video Rental store. For you young readers, we used to have places that had VCR tapes lined up on all of the walls so you could choose what you wanted. In addition, WAY back then (early 1980’s) we had discs that looked like large vinyl records but played like a DVD. They were encased inside hard plastic covers. Anyway, back to my story. The VCR most likely costs us $600, weighed as much as my brother and I combined, and if I am not mistaken had no more than 5 features. Play; Stop, Pause, Forward and Backward. More expensive ones had “Record” so you could tape Price is Right or your favorite soap, but as a 10 year old I was just excited to rent Friday the 13th (The first one).
That VCR had less technology than the cheapest, crappiest cell phone on the market today, but when I look back it did absolutely everything that we ever needed it to. Then somewhere in some big board room a group of people decided that we (the consumer) needed to have options. And not just a couple, but over a hundred that the most experienced technical engineer would have trouble programming. So my question is WHY !?!?! Why do we need to complicate every single thing in our world to the point that we either lose some of the enjoyment OR feel like a complete idiot because we can’t or don’t want to spend the day trying to figure it out ?
How does this apply to us, the indoor cycling people of the world? And actually, I will go so far as to throw in all Group Ex AND Personal trainers to this query. What are WE doing as coaches and leaders to complicate things that don’t need to be complicated? I still believe, and may be wrong with everyone OUTSIDE my class, that my people come to me for more than instruction on how to peddle, when to get their heart rate up, or when to stand up. Let’s face it, I “teach” (HATE to use the word teach, I prefer coach) a class on how to get on a bike and peddle. Sure, there are MILLIONS of ways to teach and A LOT that goes into it……FOR AN ELITE ATHLETE to do the tour!!! But I have 30 to 60 people who, like me, are there for so much more than to learn all the tricks to shave off 3 seconds from their best time. And even if my people ARE there to learn how to shave of the 3 seconds, I believe (speaking about my people of almost 20 years) are trying to shave that time for internal reasons. Reasons of personal growth, pride in ones accomplishments, or even to use that shaved 3 seconds as a metaphor for something much bigger in their life. That’s why I teach and have always taught from a spiritual perspective and not so much from a technical perspective.
I am so fortunate to “coach” at arguably the best club in the US. I spent 10 years in all 50 States as a Sales manager and so I have been in too many gyms to name. I have seen trends in workouts, classes, equipment, and I am never surprised at what comes next. Right now this “Cross Fit” craze is amazing to me. We are now as an industry demonstrating that “hey, you didn’t need to join a gym with all the Cybex equipment because that spare tire in your garage, sprints up and down your street, and jump rope is all you need for a great workout. And you know what, they’re right. Why is a sprint on a Schwinn spinning bike any more beneficial than a sprint up the hill in your neighborhood?? It’s different because our people come to us for something they can’t get at home in the basement or in the garage. For some of you, maybe it is the technical lingo you use. Some of you may be like me and teach good form but with a focus on the “spiritual” aspect of the ride. The truth is that if we do it right and with proper form, then all of these things will get us to the goal, which is for our people to walk out feeling healthier and in MY opinion both “physically” AND “mentally.”
My point is that we don’t have to complicate things the way we sometimes do just so that we can stick with the trends. If your class demands that, than do it. But don’t lose focus on your core audience of people, the ones who stuck by you for 20 years. Give them the best music, the best guidance, the best stories, and the best up to date techniques IF that is what is going to give you and them the result you’re looking for. Let’s remember and never lose sight of the fact that our members come to us to lead them and if we tell them that rubbing their tummy while sprinting doubles the amount of calories they burn, then chances are most will do just that. So it’s our obligation to introduce the right amount of “new” technology if and only if the benefit is there. THEY are giving up one hour of their lives and putting it in our hands. I for one ONLY want to provide the best.
So the next time you jump on your bike ready to start class, remember that blinking clock on your old VCR and ask yourself “have I put together a class with total focus on helping them achieve their goals?” or have you designed it based on an article on the latest “Crave” from some gym in a posh LA studio? Do your research, make sure the latest “thing” is right for your students and then apply it. But don’t buy the VCR with 100 programmable features that you don’t know or understand until you SET THE CLOCK ON IT FIRST!! Now go press PLAY and have some fun. And please send me your thoughts so I can learn my audience.
by Jay Duplessie | Jun 4, 2018 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Steve had always the typical over achiever. Great student, even better athlete, and everything seemed to come so easy. By the time he finished college, he had already accomplished so much, yet things had just begun.
Landing a high paying marketing job right out of college, he set his sights on one day becoming head of his own firm. And that “someday” came sooner than later. By the time he was thirty he owned a very successful agency with forty of the brightest employees in the industry. Things were perfect.
Just before his thirty-fifth birthday, he married his long time sweetheart and they set their sights on a family. Life was incredible.
By the time he reached forty, all his successes and goals had accumulated to a point that he started finding himself searching for new ones, new challenges. At the same time though, he realized that the hussle and bussle of daily life in the Marketing industry was starting to wear him down. So he and his wife Christy decided to purchase a second home in Breckenridge, a place where they could get away and forget all the responsibilities of the business, and the drain of city life. In no time at all, the second home became a place of comfort and tranquility. With the love of his wife and children, life felt complete.
One day while sitting on the deck of their new mountain home, Steve and Christy noticed a clearing in the brush at the end of their property. Together they walked over to it and found that this was a trail that most likely led to the base of the foothill. No telling exactly how far down, but the trail looked steep. The brush had started to grow back, but there was no doubt that this was a trail that used to get a lot of use.
Early the next morning, Steve drove down to the bottom of the hill where he had seen a make shift parking lot. Someone had parked on the grass enough times that it had left a dried out section of land. He pulled into the area and got out of his car. Sure enough, just as he suspected, an opening, just like the one in his back yard. He walked back to the car, threw on some hiking shoes, grabbed a bottle of water, checked the time, and began his assent.
Forty minutes into the climb, Steve realized he did not have the stamina he once did as a college level athlete. He sat down for a quick drink and to catch his breath. While sitting there, the achiever in him made a promise. He promised that he would master this climb, and beat his time, even if by seconds, each time he hiked the trail. Back on his feet, he started again and twenty-eight minutes later he reached the top. He looked at his watch and saw that his first initial climb took seventy two minutes, a time he knew he would and could beat.
Christy came out onto the porch and asked where he had been. He told her about his new hobby and the challenge he made to himself. She saw that same determination in his eyes that he had when he opened his firm. She admired this in him and always found his dedicaton to a goal, any goal, very attractive. She kissed him and went back inside. Steve grabbed a pocketknife out of the junk drawer and walked to the top of the path. There on a large oak tree, he carved the number 72.
Over the next four years, every time Steve and Christy visited the home, Steve would make his climb. And almost every time he did, he would beat the previous time, even if by a few seconds. And when he would get it down a whole minute, he would carve a new number. Currently it was at 49.
One fourth of July weekend, Steve and Christy invited all their friends from the city, all of their family, and the neighbors they had met in Breckenridge. It was to be a day to remember.
Early that morning, Steve set out to do his climb. Christy left at the same time to pick up a few things for the party. As Steve pulled off the side of the road to park in his spot, she drove past, waved, and gave him a honk. He smiled and waved back. He looked up at the sky and saw the clouds coming in. He prayed that they would pass before the party, and then turned towards his trail. Today, he would beat 49 minutes, he knew it. He set his timer and took off like a sprinter.
Thirty-five minutes into it, he knew he was making great time and would beat last weeks time with ease, but he didn’t let up. He pushed himself and his leg muscles burned. He came around a small switchback that he had so many time before. This was a section he needed to be careful at because there was a twenty-foot drop. Almost thru it, a huge bang erupted right next to him and before he could catch himself, he was falling towards the bottom. The lightening bolt didn’t hit him directly, but it might as well have because what came next was just as horrible.
When Steve opened his eyes he wasn’t sure how long he had been out. He quickly remembered the fall and thought to himself how lucky he was that he did not get hit directly by the strike. He didn’t feel any pain, so he thought he must be okay. Then he tried to move and nothing happened. His legs were not only non responsive, they were paralyzed. He could move his arms just enough to look at his watch. It had been 87 minutes since he started his climb. He laid his hand back down and started to weep. Not only did he loose the ability to walk, he had failed to beat his old time.
On her way back to the house, Christy drove by Steve’s car. She knew he would be waiting for him at the top and she would have to drive him back down to get his car. She had done this so many times before, but this time he would have to wait until she got the ice cream into the freezer.
When she walked into the house, she headed straight to the refrigerator. She hollered thru the house “Did you beat it? Did you break 49 minutes?” But there was no answer. She walked upstairs thinking he was in the shower, but he wasn’t. She ran outside, but he wasn’t there. She ran inside to the phone to call the neighbor, but he wasn’t there either.
This Fourth of July would still be a party, but it would be a search party. Three hours later Steve was airlifted away broken, battered, and paralyzed. Life wasn’t so good.
Over the next twelve months, Steve spent a lot of time in rehab, little time at the office, and the remainder of it in Breckenridge. He would sit on the deck, remembering the day he and Christy found the path and how perfect life was. Back when he had everything, and now he had nothing, or so he thought. He wished he had never seen that path.
After the first year, he was able to drive himself. A handicap van, complete with ramp and hand controls had been built for him and now he could come and go as he pleased, but he didn’t go, he didn’t go anywhere. Instead, he sat on that porch staring at the path, and everyday the brush got thicker and thicker. Eventually no one would even know that a trail existed, and no one else would have to go thru what he had experienced.
One year, three months, and twelve days after the accident, he woke with a different feeling. Instead of feeling like the victim on this day, he felt like the person angry at the victim. He felt angry that he had let this self-pity go on as long as it did.
All day long he heard an inner voice yelling to quit complaining and to stop sitting around, to get his life back, find a new goal, start over. The voices became so loud that he started to wonder if he was going crazy. He couldn’t sit still, and he couldn’t focus on anything.
Christy had been gone all morning with the kids doing some errands, and so he decided to get out of the house for a while. Maybe that would calm the voices. Not knowing exactly where he was headed, he got into his van and started to drive. When he reached the bottom of the hill, he knew why today was different and where he needed to be. There, on the right hand side of the road, was the place he used to park. He had not been there since the accident. Every time they drove to the house, he would look away. But today it stared him right in the face. He pulled over to the side of the road and onto the spot. Just like the trail, the grass here had started to return. Almost as if it was telling him, “we won, you lost.” He put the vehicle in park and sat. At first he thought this was all he needed to do. That what he was meant to do today was face the location. But before he could think, he was out of the van, sitting in his wheelchair. He rolled to the foot of the trail, moved the branches aside, and stared up the hill.
For no reason he could explain, he started to feel like the old Steve again. His chest came forward, the frown went away, and he no longer felt like a victim. Now he felt like someone with a huge opportunity. He looked at his watch, checked the time, and dove out of his wheel chair. On his hands and knees, he dragged himself into the brush and up the trail.
On her way home from running errands, Christy started her drive up the hill to the house. For whatever reason, she failed to see Steve’s van on the side of the road. Maybe it was because over the last year, the trees had grown in, or maybe it was because in her wildest dreams she had never expected to see Steve’s van there again. But nonetheless, she drove right by it without a single glance. When she got home, Steve was not there. A smile came over her face as she realized he finally got out of the house on his own and maybe he was feeling better today.
Two hours later, Steve had made it a third of the way up. He lay there taking a break, hands bloody, knees torn up, and tears running down his face. One might look upon this situation as a time of frustration and defeat, but it was just the opposite. The thoughts running thru his mind were those of gratefulness and passion, strength and victory! He was not only doing it, he was doing it alone without the help of others or his wheel chair. He felt free again and more alive than ever. If he had any negative thoughts, there was only one. He was so angry at himself that it had taken so long to step up and regain the fire he knew he always had for adversity and challenge.
Christy began to worry when she could not get him on his cell phone. Where had he gone, and why wasn’t he answering? She waited another thirty minutes before calling her neighbor. She came over and sat with Christy and together they thought about where he might be.
Four hours and twenty-three minutes later, Steve found himself more than two thirds of the way up. Right at the place that he had fallen over a year ago, he found himself right back where it had all began. Anger started to creep up inside of him, but he caught himself and realized that being angry did no good. Being angry was what took away the last fifteen months of his life. It wasn’t being physically paralyzed, it was being emotionally paralyzed that stole away those months.
So there, in the middle of it all, he promised to never be angry again. He looked down at his beaten up legs, and the blood on his hands, and told himself that if he was ever to be the man he used to be, it had to start now. He looked up towards the top and with a smile bigger than he had ever worn before, he pushed forward up the hill.
Christy could not wait any longer. She and her neighbor agreed that it was time to call the authorities. So she picked up the phone and called the police. She gave a description of her husband and his vehicle. The woman on the phone explained that it was too early for a missing persons report, but that an officer would drive thru the neighborhood and let her know. Christy hung up the phone, not feeling much better. She sat on the porch and waited for news. She looked over at the trail, covered with brush, and cursed it. That damn trail took her husband away from her. She wished they had never found it in the first place. No longer able to think about it, she went back inside and waited for news.
Forty five minutes after the call, a squad car drove towards Steve and Christies home. As he was making his way up the hill, he noticed something. Off on the side of the road, he spotted Steve’s vehicle. He pulled off to the side and got out of his car. There, at the base of the hill, was the wheelchair Steve left behind. Not sure what to think, the officer walked towards it and then up into the trail about 50 feet. He saw nothing. He then called Steve’s name, but heard nothing. In his mind, there was no way Steve was here, and something must have happened. He walked back to his car and continued to drive up the hill to meet Christy and tell her what he had found. Someone must have picked him up.
Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang. Christy walked to the front door and opened it. Her worste fears were staring her in the face. The officer asked if he could come in, and she said of course. He told her that he had been driving thru the area with no luck. But then, on his way here, he spotted Steve’s vehicle. It was empty and the wheel chair was left behind. As the officer explained this, clearly thinking that Steve had been abducted or picked up by a friend, Christy face and mood changed. She was no longer afraid and she was no longer worried. Instead, as the officer continued to speak and ask questions, she pushed him aside and ran thru the door. She bolted to the only place she knew to find him. The closer she got to the trail, the surer she was. She ran to the entrance and moved the branches aside. There, laying on the ground, was Steve. This wasn’t the Steve she first met, and it wasn’t the Steve she’d been with after the accident, this was a whole new Steve. A Steve with a new appreciation of life and the gifts he still had. He looked up at her, covered in dirt, sweat, and blood, and he winked. There were streaks down the side of his face from the tears. He said “one second honey” and turned away, and there, she saw what it was he needed to do before he could tell her where he had been. Far down, at the base of that oak tree, he was doing what he always did after climbing the trail. In big script he had carved into the base “Five hours, one minute…..BEST TIME EVER!!”
Remember, it’s not about how fast you do it, it’s about the Journey……..it’s about the Climb!!”
by Jay Duplessie | Mar 29, 2018 | Engage Your Students, Jay Duplessie, Motivation
I'm sure I could list 10 or 20 clichés that everyone reading this could relate to, but I'm only going to do a couple. “If I knew then what I know now,” and then one of my personal favorites in this genre “You don't know what you don't know.”
Being that this is only my third post, you may not yet know that much about me, so let me summarize one more time. I'm a passionate spinning instructor who motivates through stories, emotions, and what I like to call triggers. I've always felt that the reason people come to my class over someone else’s is based on my approach and style. I spend most of the time digging around in their thoughts and pulling out emotions that fuel the fire to make them push harder on the bike. I wouldn't say that my stories are always rainbows and roses, and sometimes my metaphors cut close to home……..but that’s the point. I want to shake them out of the haze so they don’t “spend” and hour with me, thy “INVEST” an hour with me. And I think even the most die-hard cyclist would agree that all the instructions in the world on how to peddle that bike won’t mean a thing if that person isn’t invested in the workout both physically AND mentally. The bottom line is, if you're going to come to my class or read my posts, then you're going to learn about me and my journey, and I'm not just talking about the good parts. And by doing that, I hope it helps you tap into your entire toolbox of tricks in order to get your class to their highest level.
So back to the cliché. I very recently experienced two very extreme paradigm shifts. One is negative, and one is positive, but they are BOTH going to help me make the point.
Without wasting anymore of your time (my first post summed up my brutal divorce and what it did to me) let me just say this one thing and move on. The year I spent trying to finalize my divorce was the most horrible, brutal, exhausting, and painful thing I have ever done in my whole life. But what I know now is it didn’t have to be. If I had listened, TRULY listened to the people around me then I wouldn’t have almost lost myself in that mess, I wouldn’t have been physically ill to the point that I feel as if 20 years of my life are gone, and most of all I would have been more present to the people and opportunites around me rather than obsessing over things that matter deeply to me (and any parent) but DID NOT matter to the judge (or poor excuse for one). But “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.”
The second paradigm shift I have been experiencing since May 9th, 2011 is with regards to being a parent or as I like to say being a “dad.” If you’re a parent than I could stop right now and you would get it, but if you’re not, let me explain a little more.
I can remember being around 10 years old growing up in a small town in Maine, and in the summer my mom and step dad wanting to walk with my brother and I after dinner. YUCK !! Being seen with my parents !?!?! How embarrassing right ? You probably all remember something similar to this in your youth. But then you have kids and YOU GET IT !! You now understand why a mom or a dad would have this obsession with wanting to spend time with you. You understand to reason they worry when you ask to do a sport or why they look panicked when you come home late. Once you are a parent, you understand (or at least I did) what it means to love someone more than yourself. I could not tell you what I ate for breakfast, lunch, or dinner on May 9th 2011 or April 23rd, 2013 (the birthdays of my daughter Taylor and my son Brady), BUT I can describe for you their first sounds and every mind blowing emotion I had on those days when I got that first glimpse of their beautiful smiles. Had I known these things back when I was that little boy growing up in Maine, maybe I would have cut my mom some slack on those walks and not made sure to be a block ahead of them. But “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.”
These two examples are powerful to me because I lived them, but maybe they aren’t for you so let me try a different approach and then hopefully I can wrap this up in a pretty bow so you can decide if this is a “tool” for your instructor toolbox.
Do you know a reformed smoker who quit because the doctor said they had lung cancer? Do you know someone who lost a massive amount of weight because their doctor told them lose it or you will be gone in 3 months? How about a man or women who’s spouse said “if you cheat again I am leaving you” and the spouse smartened up? Why is it that we will do things we KNOW are bad for us and hurt others, and we will tell ourselves we “can’t stop,” yet when we are faced with losing everything, even our life, that we all of a sudden muster the courage and strength to give these things up?? I am as bad as anyone. The day after my daughter was born I taught class and I recall saying to them “I get paid to teach here but that’s not the reason I do. I do because I started having kids late (40 years old) and one day I plan to walk my granddaughter down the aisle one day.” Now for those paying attention, my daughter Taylor is only 4 years old and Brady is 2. So that means I have to do everything I can to stay healthy for probably at least another 50 years !! And if you ask how I know I will have a granddaughter, then ask me about the letter I wrote 20 years ago, mailed it to myself, and is still sitting in my safe. It was written to my daughter Taylor who I described to a “T” right down to saying she was part Asian. I have always known, and one day when she is old enough to understand the significance, she can open that SEALED and Post marked letter and read it herself.
But I am telling you now, I am a hypocrite. I say these things, yet the other day I was told that I need to stop drinking diet coke because it’s poison. I said “I know” but I only drink it when I have a meal. And at some point in that conversation I literally said “well if I found out it was making me sick then OF COURSE I would stop.” Then it hit me…….it is making me sick. One slow day at a time. Just like the person stressing over the mortgage bill is getting sick, and the person who can’t get of the couch is getting sick, and believe it or not, the person or people who are coming to our class and NOT working out are basically wasting their hour and likely on their way to less health, less energy, and less time on this earth with the people they love. It’s not as simple as “going to the gym.” I know that, you know that, and they really know that……..but if they aren’t really acting on it then the hour at the gym is nothing but wasted time. We need to do more than play the music and cue the sprints. We need to find a way, open a door, to whatever it is gonna take to convince them that this isn’t just a “class” or a place where they meet their friend before coffee and 2 hours of gossip. We need them to understand that this thing we do, peddling a bike for an hour, has meaning and DOES effect pretty much everything they will do that day, week, and year. Work hard, release endorphins and lose weight. Release endorphins and be in a better mood, have more energy, feel better with less aching. All those things will make you a better friend, spouse, dad. Those things will affect THEIR lives. More memories will be created, more love will be shared, more ideas are sparked, more friends are made, more passion is found, more more more more. We owe it to our students to find a way to make them understand this isn’t just an hour to waste. I wish someone had sit me down and slapped me until I understood the damage I was causing to my soul during the year of my divorce by wasting time on things that only mattered to me because I was hurting. I wish someone had found a way to make me understand what those walks meant for my mom because she won’t ever get that 10 year old boy back. And I hope anyone in YOUR lives right now who is saying “I could never do that” or “that’s impossible” have someone like you to sit them down and say “Unless you’re talking about WALKING to the moon, then please stop saying that’s impossible.” The next time YOU teach a class, I want you to pretend ( please forgive the dramatic analogy) that you are their doctor and it’s up to you to convince them that they can no longer take THIS workout lightly and that THIS workout matters because it does and chances are “They don’t know what they don’t know.”
PS My road to quitting diet soda starts this week for my two children and my grandchildren to follow. Happy Spinning!
by Jay Duplessie | Apr 24, 2016 | Jay Duplessie
Being a dad has literally been the single greatest gift of my entire life. And in addition to having these two amazing little people to walk through life with laughing all the way, I am also finding that witnessing their reactions to the world around them has shown me a lot about myself as well. I’m grateful daily for all of the experiences i have had with them and hope for a hundred more years of it !
This week (if you don’t live in Denver and already know) we were POUNDED with a Spring Blizzard. This is pretty typical for Denver and I have personally seen it happen 5 times in 20 years that I have been here. 75 degrees a few days ago and today I’m looking at 2 feet of the heaviest snow you’ve ever seen !! But the bright side is it’s been the best way to create some incredible memories =) Blueberry Pancakes for Breakfast, FRESH homemade chocolate chip cookies after some hard work shoveling snow, and now back under the blankets for a few movies before bed. The kids and i have a great life, that’s for sure. It’s everything I could ever ask for………..but NOT what I expected. You see, my “expectations” were that I would be doing these things along side my partner, wife, and best friend. But life has a way of realigning things that don’t always fit with your original “Expectations.” And you know what, sometimes it takes a little while before you can understand that life did in fact know what was best for you =)
So for this week, I wanted to take a spinning related topic and tie it in with the personal side of “expectations.” And in typical form, I will try and give “my” take on the idea of expectations and explain how I am using this idea to further my journey towards a greater, fuller, life !! =)
So I’ve already explained my “personal” thoughts on expectations, but here is an example of how I witnessed “expectations” this week in relation to spinning.
I’m fortunate enough to be at a club who just got brand new bikes for the second time in just over a year. We are now moving to using Power and so this second set of bikes is going to help the instructors teach more accurately. And since I am not here to promote any gym or manufacturer of bikes, I won’t say the kind of bikes. But I will say these are without a doubt the best bike I have ridden in 20 years. In addition, in 20 years I have seen new bikes delivered close to 10 times and each time have witnesses a near meltdown each time from the members. It seems that the expectations almost always exceed what is actually delivered. And some years, I agreed. Some bikes weren’t always accepted right away because let’s face it, no one likes change.
This set of bikes have only been on site for a couple of weeks and without a doubt have been the fastest and most accepted bike that I have seen in 20 years. Easily 90% or more LOVE these things……….but there’s still that 10% who are picking them apart for some of the silliest things. It’s as if they can’t help but look for the negatives no matter how many positives there are. And personally, I am so impressed with the positives that I find the negatives so minor and wonder why people can’t just enjoy the gift. And so it got me thinking………..thinking deeply about that word expectations and how it is probably the root cause of so much sadness and emptiness in this world. So I’m going to make a bold assumption/statement and suggest a solution that may not be politically correct or widely accepted. So here goes…….
So have you ever wondered if our (the majority of the people in the US) “expectations” are too high ? I never thought I would be one of those people who blamed TV and Media for the worlds woes, but I’m starting to wonder. I mean, I came from the Nancy Reagan error where she told us that a certain kind of music caused us to take drugs. Or the Dan Quail error (or Maybe it was Al Gore) who warned us about “Family Values” being a thing of the past ! And each time I heard it, especially from Nancy Reagan because I was a Hair Band Heavy Metal guy and didn’t want to hear that my Ozzie and Judist Priest were going to cause me to go to hell lol But as I sit here now, I have to ask myself if maybe some of what they say is true ??
The reason I find myself thinking from this much different perspective now is because I am honestly starting to believe that we are fed so much crap on TV about how easy it is to get famous, Rich, and have it all, YET no one is teaching anyone how to do it the right way. What ever happened to hard work and dedication ? And what ever happened to finding your talent or passion and working it until you found success ? I feel like so much of the younger generation have this kind of Entitlement feeling and worse than that, this attitude like it’s supposed to be easy and if you don’t achieve it right away then they give up and bitch and complain.
Turn on the TV any time of the day and I have no doubt that no matter who you are or where you live, you will be able to EASILY find 5 shows that are glamorizing life by showing opulent wealth and easy living, but not a dam explanation of how the person got any of it. “Real Housewives?” Really ?? What’s so real about them ?? Or how about the versions of Jersey Shore, Shaws of LA, all of the realtor shows where the realtor makes a single sale and grosses $250,000 !?!?!?!? I mean think about that !! If your a young person now a days who never saw (like I did) a Grandfather who worked 3 jobs, got up every day at 4:30 am to deliver mail. And on retirement got a gold watch and was absolutely over the top grateful for it !!!! I think most 25 year old these days would look at that and laugh. They could never understand how that could be how my grandfather defined success for himself. But the youth today act as if the want instant fame, instant success, they don’t want to have to work for it and if they HAVE to work for it than they don’t want to work long and they sure as hell don’t expect to fail. And of course if they do, well it’s not their fault, it’s someone else's. Could it be that we have taught ourselves to have “expectations” that are always unreachable and is that the cause of so much sadness in the world ? I mean, are we all setting the bar above what we can actually achieve and therefore setting ourselves up for constant failure and emptiness ??
So my lesson to myself this week goes something like this. I am going to accept all of my current situations just as they are. I am going to re-evaluate the list of expectations i have for myself and my life, and I am going to be sure that I’m being realistic in those expectations. And for those who think this is the equivalent of “Sand Bagging” life and making it easy to succeed, i would day this; “Do you want to be fulfilled or do you want to spend your life complaining about all the things you didn’t get ? I truly believe that finding more realistic expectations for yourself and the people around you will create much more of an abundant life. Instead of defining success as “having all the things Kim Kardashian has” define it by how happy you are on a daily basis with what you already have! Look at the Kardashians and all of their “success and wealth” and ask yourself “what did they do to get all of that !?” Seriously, for my generation who saw what it took for our grandparents to be able to buy a home and put kids through school, it’s absolutely MADDENING to turn on the TV and see these spoiled Rotten women with no talent who are providing nothing of substance to the world who make more in one day for doing nothing than my Grandfather did on his best year.
So my plan is to set expectations that are just out of reach “BUT ARE ATTAINABLE” if i put the work in to achieve those things. No more unrealistic expectations and no more “wishing it into existence.” From now on I’m focused on reaching ALL my goals and I am done beating myself up for not attaining the ones that may have been a little too aggressive based on my current situation in life. I haven’t given up my my largest and wildest dreams, BUT I think I’m going to collect a few wins in my basket before I beat myself up too much over the out of reach things that haven’t hit yet. Will you join me ?
Peace-
Jay K. Duplessie
by Jay Duplessie | Mar 24, 2016 | Jay Duplessie
Finding the “meaning behind change”
Have you ever sat an noticed how sometimes “things just work out?” I’ve been seeing this A LOT in my life over the last two years. And for BIG things too !! At first I just would say to myself “well thank god that one thing didn’t work out because now THIS thing is working perfect.” But then I would move on and forget it. It wasn’t until recently that I have begun to see things much different. Let me explain.
So before when this would happen, I would not become aware until after the “other thing” would happen. Are ya confused ? Let me try and put this in a stripped down metaphor because I don’t want to tie this into any one thing that has happened to me over the last two years. And to hit the point home, let’s use a very drastic example that is totally fictional lol
So let’s say I have a big party planned and have spent months getting ready for it. I’ve invited people, bought supplies, and am extremely excited for this party. Now let’s assume the city comes to me and says “You need a permit for that party and since the party is tomorrow you won’t have time to get one and so move our party somewhere else. “ Ugh, Right ?????!!!!!
Now lets say you move the party and while at this party a few things happen. First, because you moved it, more people show up. Win right ?? But then let’s say you turn on the TV in the background and on the news is the original party site completely engulfed in flames with a big headline at the bottom of the screen “Huge Meteor the size of pick p truck crashes into event center.” Haha Of course none of this happened to me, but you get the point. Suddenly the seemingly bad change of plans for moving your party has quickly become a LIFE SAVING decision right ?? Well that’s how I used to view “Bad changes or cancellations” that happen around me. And I used to get so upset or frustrated if something didn’t happen, or is someone cancelled, or if something in my life didn’t happen exactly the way I thought it was going to happen. I’m changing my silly ways though.
It’s very possible that I have way to much alone time to think of these types of things haha In fact, the more i think about it the more i realize that i am just building a story around a very common and well know quote that goes something like “When one door closes, another one opens.” But that quote doesn’t resonate with me the way my Meteor story does lol
So let’s tell that story in a slightly different way =)
Let’s say you get the call to move the event to another location because there’s no permit. This time, rather than be upset or angry, instead stop in your tracks and tell yourself…….”This must mean something BIGGER AND BETTER is supposed to happen!!” Then you anxiously pack up all the party gear to move to that new location and wait with over the top anticipation at the MUCH better plan the universe has for you. Just imagine the benefits and loss of angry moments if you could take on that new paradigm !!
I’m not joking, I can literally list 10 BIG things that in my life the last two years did not work out the way I thought it was meant to, but the way it ended up going was exponentially better =) Things so big and so meaningful that I know it’s not coincidence and that this “formula” I plan to adopt into my life is going to have big and powerful positive consequences =) I couldn’t be more excited !!!
Here are some steps I am taking and maybe you want to do the same. Unfortunately this post will most likely not translate to being an instructor, but at the end of the post I will explain what I plan to do about that.
First, I chose a number that is comfortable to me. That number happens to be (5) Five. Five has always been my lucky number and one that resonates to me in so many ways. I met my ex wife and she also had 5 as her lucky number and like me she used it in everything, even her Jersey for soccer her whole life. And together we created two of the best kids EVER !! So there ya go haha We may not be married anymore, but what our time together created is the best gift I have ever been given so NO REGRETS BABY !!! =)
Anyway, I took the number five and I wrote down 5 big ideas. A few are personal/family related, a few are business and work related, and one is strictly focused on finding my soul mate hehe But all of these are ones that I connect with on every level. When I look at this list I “feel” something on both the mental and physical level. My opinion is that for this to work, these have to be things that give you a “FEELING” and not just random things that would be “nice’ if they happened. So find things that rev you up !!! =)
The next thing I did was bought a Dry erase board. Now this may not work for you if you are married or living with someone who has very specific home decorating ideas for the home haha. I literally went and bought a 4 foot by 8 foot Dry erase board and hung it at the bottom of my stairs so that every morning it’s staring me right in the face !!! (I will take a photo and have Dennis post it for ya). lol. I am and have always been a Very visual person. “Tell” me a story and you may get my attention, BUT put some pictures with it and now you have my “understanding.” So for me the big board is how I will keep my focus on my top 5 !! Think about this and if for you just having a sheet of paper folded in your wallet works, then do that. If a note on the IPhone is your thing, do that. But put this list IN YOUR FACE on a daily basis. And if i had time, I would share with you how this worked for me 8 years ago and I didn’t even know it. In fact, maybe at the end of the post i will slap that in here so if curious you can see what I mean. Anyway……..
Now that you have your chosen number of items (mine was 5 remember lol), you have your chosen way of displaying them (Mine is the large Dry Erase board), NOW right that list in a way that triggers your brain cells to ACT haha. So what I did was used the whole “Basketball Final Four Bracket” deal haha. If you don’t already know this about me, I rarely ever watch any sports. I’m just not interested in watching someone else play, I’d rather be playing. But I know enough to know that this time of year people are all talking about their “Brackets” lol so that’s what I did. And hopefully you will see a photo if Dennis can post the photo.
Instead of putting two things in your bracket , put the Idea/plan/wish on the top line and then leave the one below t blank. Fill out the outcome though. Now chase “Big Idea #1” like a dog chasing a bone !! Every day work towards “Big Idea #1” until you reach it, ORRRRRRR until something gets in the way and changes your path. When and if that happens, put that in the bottom bracket. Then work the crap out of THAT new plan and see if the “Outcome Changes.” I’m venturing to guess that if you follow this path, stay positive and excited about the change the effected the bracket, that the outcome you get will not only be better but will also be one that when you look back you will say “thank god i was forced to change because the original idea now looks less attractive and would not have brought me as much joy !!
See below for my poor attempt to display a bracket haha
BID IDEA #1———
————- Outcome
Leave Blank———
So that’s it for this weeks post. As I said in last weeks post, I am “on a mission to create a better life for me and the kids” and I am sharing with you my road map to do so. And if some or all of these things works, then we will know how we did it.
Two things before you go. First, read below if you want to keep reading my posts as I need to make a decision about whether i should continue with this platform. Second, I will share briefly how 8 years ago this worked for me on a smaller scale and didn’t really recall until this wekend that it did.
Thank you and I hope some of this resonates with you !!
Peace !!!!!
Jay K. Duplessie
by Jay Duplessie | Mar 15, 2016 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
I've been doing a lot of things lately to help with my Health and Fitness (both mental and physical health) and today had an epiphany………at least for me lol
I happen to put on the Secret in the background while I worked. If you read earlier posts, I have given up listening to conspiracy documentaries and so I need something to replace that with. haha And although I have watched or listened to the secret 50 times, I can honestly say I have never watched it with this same insight and understanding of my current situation and so I feel as though this time I may get something new from the experience =)
So it gets to the part where Jack Canfield mentions his $100,000 check that he manifests and how he “had the idea while getting out of the shower.” This time though, that part of the movie spoke to me. And so I want to describe why and then attempt to tie it into being an instructor.
One of my big “Musts” for this year and all future years is to create a lifestyle of less financial stress, a more youthful energy and healthier body, and to find a way to spend more time with my kids and doing what I love. I know, I know, that's EVERY BODIES musts haha Maybe so, but I really think that as I have aged, my definition of all those things differ greatly from what I used to think and probably even MORE from what most people (especially younger) would say to define the things on my list. With age comes experience and with experience comes knowledge. If only it was reversed haha
Anyway, back to what happened for me when I heard him describe that “Out of shower experience.” It hit me that what I am going through in this very moment is what can (and Will) propel me to the things that I want, or will at least help me attain them. You see, I have wanted to be a public speaker for over 25 years. I literally would attend work conferences over a weekend and when most people skipped most speakers, I went out of my way to sit thru half of one, just so I could catch the second half of another. I would study them and how they spoke. I'd look for what worked for them and when people became engaged, AS WELL AS when they dis-engaged. I was convinced that it was my path !! But at the age of 45, the only speaking I get to do is to my kids when doing story time, OR to my class when I teach. Very fulfilling, but not ultimately what I think of when I dream of being a speaker.
One of the things, if not THE thing that has stopped me from going out and doing this is complete lack of confidence in this area. NOT lack of confidence in speaking, not at all. All I do is talk and I have a million stories and ideas !!! It's the lack of confidence in my ability to convince someone that I know what the hell I am taking about !! Why would someone listen to me and believe I have the answer to anything (is the words that echo in my head when I think of trying to visualize this as a career for me). And for YEARS I would tell myself “Jay you just need a story. Something bad has to happen to you that you overcome and THEN people will believe you have a clue.” Thoughts of getting cancer and beating it, or surviving a Plane crash, or even a hostage situation is ALL that I need to get peoples attention !!! I know, CRAZZZZZZYYYY !! lol
Then in 2008 the financial meltdown happened and I lost everything. Suddenly almost overnight everything I believed about my ability to be successful in business was gone. I tried for years to get hired back at what I used to do before starting my business but no one would hire me. Gained weight, stopped putting myself out there, and pretty much stopped believing I could recover. The “Motivational Speaker” dream suffered it's first serious blow.
Flash forward to two years ago and without wasting time on the details, let's just say that when I was FINALLY getting my feet back under me and starting to believe I could recapture the person I once thought I could be, life dealt me another major blow and this one was worse. My whole belief system on trust and love and commitment completely imploded and this turned me into someone who literally found myself saying “What's the fucking point??” DO NOT mis-read that !! I wasn't suicidal, not even close !! I was more of the feeling that why build up too many hopes and dreams because the Universe is gonna dish up whatever it dishes up and you just got to sit there and eat it. I mean when the person you gave everything to and who you trusted more than anyone ever on this earth shows you that you DO NOT matter overnight, it's kind of hard to look at the people around you that didn't play nearly as crucial a role in your life and assume they are going to do any better at being a true friend/partner/spouse, etc. So basically I have been fighting my way back for almost two years to a place where I want to believe that anything is STILL possible and want to give up on the negative baggage that I have carried for WAY too long !!
So now that you know the back story, I can tell you my “Big Epiphany” haha I have decided that my Journey, or my ROAD TO RECOVERY, is going to be my story !!! In a way, killing two birds with one big ass stone !!! I am going to take everything I am doing over the last month (You have to go read earlier posts if you want to know what I'm doing) and I am going to get myself to a place SO SUCCESSFUL that someone is going to ask how I did that and THEN not only will have have the end result to show them, I will ALSO have the road map I took to get there ! So NOW I will have the story to present to people, NOW I will have the story to write in books, NOW I will have the proof that I not only believed in the things that I read and practiced but I also DID those things and THAT is how and why I am happier, healthier, and have MY KIND of wealth which oddly enough doesn't consist of airplanes and yachts but instead looks more like a family life where we all go to bed with a warm blanket, full bellies, all bills being paid, and 3 to 4 weeks of family vacation. That is wealth to me these days.
The reason this whole plan speaks to me in conjunction with us as instructors is that we all teach or instruct based mostly on whatever format we were trained. We all use charts for Zone, BPM for heart rate, and so on. I would also bet that we all throw in a little of our own nuggets of knowledge too. If you're a triathlete or professional cyclist on the side than maybe what you add is something technical. If you're a story teller like me than maybe you add a quote that inspires someone to sprint harder. Who knows. But I ask you this……….are you sharing enough “nuggets” ?? Think outside the box on that one. Do you finish class and over hear someone telling their friend about an issue that you have been through and one which you could provide insight ? I mean, sure we always get the person asking “what do I do if my calf cramps up” and we have to answer those. But how many missed opportunities are there each class where you could spot something you have experience in and solve that problem just by showing this person “you've been there and this is how I fixed it.” ?????? It could be something in how they peddle, something in how they breath, or maybe even something more personal like parenting or spousal issues. I'm not sure when we gave up the reigns to facebook for solving every ones problems but I can tell you from experience that the best advise is hearing it face to face from someone who has been there and has the scars to prove it. Now go give out some NUGGETS !! Peace.
