by Jay Duplessie | Nov 2, 2015 | Jay Duplessie
Predictable challenges………
One of the truest statements I ever heard is “You don’t know what you don’t know.” Think about that for just a few seconds and it will blow your mind. I mean there are days when I feel like my head wants to explode from all the information that I am dumping into it, and it’s only getting worse. The challenges we face today are enormous compared to the ones we had when our grandparents ruled the world. And everyday it gets exponentially harder to “keep up.”
Pretty much every week, I have mentioned in some way or another the fact that I am a newly divorced singled dad. Why do I do this?? Well mostly because it’s who I am and where draw my inspiration from. And I write from my heart, not my brain, so obviously I tend to gravitate towards stories that involve “feeling” as apposed to anything very analytical. I know that out there as I type this to you, there are hundreds if not thousands of classes going on that are using all sorts of analytical stats to drive and push their classes. I’ve only done this type of class a few times and it was all during the week of a Royal Caribbean cruise I took. And I LOVED IT !!! But even if I had access to teach my classes with these tools, I know I would still rely heavily on my style of teaching, which is to reach into my students feelings and emotions to trigger their inner drive. Its what has always worked for me and TO me. I told you the story about the Goo Goo Dolls song and how I play that when I need to use anger in order to push me further.
So the focus of this weeks post is about Challenges and how some are predictable while others are not. All thru our days we face challenge after challenge after challenge. And the “Predictable” ones have become just a way of life. In other words, walking up stairs is a challenge. Not eating too much is a challenge. Some of you are married and staying together is a challenge. And what I have found is although I LOVE a good challenge, the predictable ones are what push us into a false sense of comfort. Nothing worse than thinking you “got it handled” and let your guard down only to get kicked in the teeth because you(we) got lazy. Well that’s exactly what happened to me this weekend. A good ole ass kickin because I thought I could do what I have done my whole life, even though my circumstances have changed drastically.
I’m the oldest of 5, and if I had time I would explain in more detail but let’s just say none of us share the same father. Two of my siblings were adopted and the other two have different fathers. I was told at the age of 31, and over the telephone, that my “Dad” wasn’t my father. Talk about a shocker. My head almost exploded with the flashbacks of memories and times when things “didn’t seem right” and how I always questioned why I never felt a strong bond with my dad. But I always related it to the fact that I was just so close to my mom that I couln’t have the same closeness with my dad. It’s the story I told myself, and deep down I think I always knew. In the way you just instinctively know how to breath.
Anyway, being raised by a single mom, I watched her work 3 jobs and raise us. I learned early on a very strong work ethic. Work long and hard, and hope for the best. It’s always been my way. And before I met my wife I was a 60 to 80 hour work week kind of guy, did lots of volunteer work, kept my house clean, found time for everyone and everything. And I kept that up until, well…. this weekend. I think I finally broke. I think it finally hit me that I am not 30 anymore, I am not single, and I am a SINGLE DAD TRYING TO DO THE SAME THINGS I DID WHEN I HAD 1/4th the responsibility !! Hand to god, I have been working 100 hours a week trying to grow my business. I am the dad who when the kids are home and not in bad, I am on the floor playing or sitting at the table coloring. Nothing comes between me and my time with the kids. So how do I still work 100 hours a week ? Well, I work while they are in school, I pick them up and get about three hours of play before bed, then once they are tucked in I come back down to my office and work till 2 or 4 am. And I have done this for 6 plus weeks. Why ?? Because “I love a challenge” and this challenge is predictable right ? I mean, I know how to work hard, I know how to go without sleep, and I KNOW I love my kids and this is for them so they can stay in a good school and have nice things. Well, this weekend I had one of those moments when you just feel something break. Metaphorically speaking of course, but it was like something in my brain just stopped working and the rest of my mind got together and had a meeting. And the result of that meeting was that I needed a reality check. A challenge whether it be “predictable or unpredictable” is only good (healthy) if there’s a chance you could WIN or fail. When you put yourself in front of a challenge that’s simply impossible, then it’s no longer a challenge, its just stupid decision making. And that’s what I have been doing. I needed to sit down and decide what I was going to cut out f my life so that I could HAVE a life. Otherwise my kids will grow up and move out, and I will have nothing left for me in this house. And that’s NOT how I saw my life playing out.
So how does this relate to spinning?? Simple. Use it metaphorically and it means that as an instructor I have to ask if I am setting unrealistic parameters for my students. Of course when I scream “Drive those legs till they fall off,” everyone knows that I don’t really want their legs to fall off. But how about when I tell them to push into a zone 5 for way longer than they should and then not give them enough recovery?? What happens when I am having a great day on that bike, feeling invincible, and setting goals (challenges) for the people in the class, some of which may not be having a stellar physical day but due to their type A personality tries to follow me anyway ?? Do they push till they break ? And if they do, how is that beneficial to anyone, most of all them? I know I do this way to often, and my reality check this weekend kind of helped me see that sometimes I forget that even the greatest challenges still need a ceiling of some kid. That we can choose a peak to reach for but it still needs to be an actual peak ? If I pointed out the top of a mountain and said “Walk to the summit” most of us under the right conditions could have at some point done it, given the proper tools and training. And for those who are gonna say “NOT if your in a wheel chair, I call bullshit because I saw the documentary of the guy who build a contraption where he peddled with his arms and a whole team of people escorted him to the top on it.” Now THAT’s a guy who faced a challenge. But if instead of a mountain, I pointed to the Moon and said “walk to that” then you’d look at me like I was crazy. I can;t in my wildest dreams ever imagine any scenario of ANY technology that could make that possible. See where I am going ?
As an instructor I think I have to do a better job at defining challenges in my class. Make them difficult and somewhat “predictable.” But predictable ONLY in the fact that you can see yourself under the right circumstances being able to do it and it being something that you would need to hit on all cylinders to do it. Something that takes hard work, dedication, sweat, drive, and all the other adjectives we use to describe people like you and me who want more than a couch potatoes life. Because this weekend I learned that no matter how hard I try, how much I give up, or how much I love my kids, there is still a point when my body, my mind, and most of all my spirit just says……enough.
Thanks for listening.
Jay
by Jay Duplessie | Oct 25, 2015 | Instructor Training, Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Have you ever been in a rut and not known why ? Maybe in your workout ? Possibly in your teaching style, music, or even time slot ? How about in a relationship, or a career? I'm fortunate (as I am sure most of you are) in that I get to be a cycling instructor because I love it and not because it pays the bills.The reality for most of us who do this is that after music, clothes, gas to the gym and whatever else we spend it's unlikely we walk away with a profit that can be measured in that green paper so many of us obsess over. But I can say now, with my hand to god, that without my position as a spin instructor I would be lost. A very big part of it has to do with the amazing people I work with. People who saw me through a career change, watched me realize my dream of becoming a dad TWICE, and most of all propping me up during my divorce when I just needed an office to duck into so that I could cry. My gym has become my family. The members who come to my class are like friends and the two classes a week that I teach are like fuel for my soul. Saying I love the opportunity doesn't even begin to express how I really feel. And I hope you all feel the same about this thing we do and the place(s) we do it.
I'm at a unique place in my life right now though. At 45 I have come to realize that nothing in this life is as simple as I thought it would be when I was young. The “golden rules” our grand parents taught us seem to be nothing more than a fantasy to some people. I used to think that if you worked hard, you could have more than enough………..but that's not the case is it? As a self employed small business owner, and a single dad, I can say without exaggeration that I put in 100 plus hours a week and hardly ever feel like I am getting ahead. I don't know how someone who makes minimum wage can even afford to eat!! Sometimes I feel like the only place left where “the harder you work, the better results you get” is in the gym and for ME in my class! But what makes this a “unique” time for me is that while I am going thru these paradigm shifts in my life, I am watching my two young children seeing the world with fresh eyes. For them everything is so simple. My daughter will say the sweetest things and ask the sweetest questions about life and without fail she always seems to do it right when I am feeling this dis-appointment in how unfair or unbalanced something seems. So I've found myself saying in my head “Oh I wish I could think like that again.” And then it hits me that I can!! I control my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I have the power to believe anything I want. I have the ability to learn a new way of thinking and to give up old habits that don't serve my purpose.
One thing you are bound to hear me say if you ever come to my class is that “I am more relaxed and more focused on the moment when I am in that spin room than any other time.” And that includes getting a massage !! No joke !! If I get a 90 minute massage, the first 85 minutes I am thinking about all the things I have to do when it's done and then the last 5 minutes I am thinking “I wonder how much time is left.” But when I am teaching a class, I am THERE !! Never wondering who is texting. Never curious what's on TV. Never concerned with what I have to do afterwards. I am just there in that moment, feeling my body alive with energy and passion coursing through my veins. I've said all along in these posts that I consider myself a “story teller” but I also consider myself a “thinker” lol Maybe even an amateur philosopher. I want to know and more importantly UNDERSTAND everything around me. Why things are the way they are and why people do what they do. This trait nearly killed me during the year I went through my divorce. But it's not always a bad thing to have this trait. So when I “think” about why it is that I am most present when teaching a class, I sometimes wonder if it's because I am doing the only “childhood” thing left in my life ! Think about it for a second. Working isn't childlike. Paying bills isn't childlike. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, searching profiles on
Match.com, NONE of that is child like. But riding a bike…….that is. I remember vividly the first time I rode my bike without training wheels. I remember being at the end of the driveway, on my white Huffy, with my snow mobile helmet on and my right thumb stretched out like Fonzy right before he did that famous motorcycle jump on TV (and YES I was wearing my Fonzy “AAAAAAAAA” t shirt). So maybe that's what it is, and my soul is connecting on the bike because it remembers the joy of being able to, for the first time, leave my moms side on my own and make my own way to a friends house. FREEDOM right !?!?
I'm rambling, but the point is this. As I learn how to be single at 45, to raise two AMAZING toddlers alone, and regrow my now THRIVING business, I need to focus more on seeing the world through my child's eye. No, that's not a type “o”, I didn't mean my two children's EYES, I meant to say MY child's eye. The little boy who's still very much alive in me. That little man was (is) a dreamer and can teach this old man a lot ! It's time to get back to basics, even if it goes against the grain of how the millennials (just learned that word the other day lol) are taking the planet haha And in my usual way, I wrote a fictional story to share with this message just in case this intro had not done it already.
Thank you again for allowing me to share my thoughts and my journey. The person who asked me to write for this site knew me as a “motivational Spinning Instructor” who told stories to motivate my class, but I am not sure he realized that at this cross roads in my life it's been a struggle to not pull in all the stuff I working through which doesn't always come out like rainbows and butterflies lol But hopefully it's connecting with some of you on some level and deep down the message is truly meant to motivate and inspire. This story is about giving in to the child inside you every once in a while. Go grab a coloring book and new box of crayons and sit down with no tv for one hour coloring and tell me you didn't feel a nudge from your child's eye. And leave that F'n cell phone in your car while you do it !!!!!!!! lol
Have an amazing week.
Follow Me
Last night I had a dream; a dream that moved me. I dreamt that I was walking down a straight road in the middle of the desert. The road was paved, but everything around me felt dry, baron and without color. I kept walking straight down the middle of the road though as if I was waiting for something to happen; as if this road was going to take me somewhere.
I remember being a combination of lonely yet purposeful. It was as if I had convinced myself that all of this, the road and everything around me, was for a greater good. It was as if I was certain that this was the journey I was meant to take and that the certainty I felt was enough to keep me moving forward; that eventually I would find my way to something extraordinary, and so I kept walking.
Every so often, I would see a little boy standing on the side of the road, beckoning me to follow him. But afraid to stray from my path of “certainty,” I could not get myself to stop walking long enough to approach the little boy on the side of the perfectly paved road. So to the little boy’s dismay I just shook my head as if to say “not now” and walked past him, only to see him later on further down the road.
Finally, about the fifth time I passed him, he realized I was not going to come to him and so he walked up unto the road and met me. He turned forward and walked there beside me, in perfect stride, and we talked. He told me about all of the amazing things that he had seen, and how he wanted to take me to those places. But it would involve me leaving my perfectly paved road. “Leave my road?” I thought to myself. “No Way!!” The little boy realized that I would have no part in it so he changed the subject back towards the amazing things he had seen in his own journey. I found myself feeling like his protector; as if he needed me to look after him while he walked “my path.” And sensed that the little boy felt no fear or anxiety and believed that it was his trust in me and the certainty that I possessed in my Journey that made him feel at ease.. The truth however was that this little boy did not need me or my certainty to feel safe and protected because HE had found equal comfort in “UN-certainty” and this detour he was on with me was in fact strengthening his beliefs that every journey has a purpose even if the scenery isn’t all that great.
I shared with him that I also had a purpose and that this perfectly paved road led to something great. I even told him that it was in his best interest to stay with me and follow the road if he really wanted to discover happiness, success, and greatness. After all, this was the road that “everyone” took and had been paved for this very purpose. It’s the path everyone told me to take and “they” would never lie or steer me wrong. I was so certain of it that eventually, the little boy stopped trying to convince me to stray from the path and go his way. I assumed it was because he believed I was right, but the reality had more to do with the wisdom of this little boy knowing that I would need to find out for myself that “certainty” does not always bring you where you want to go.
After some time, he began to look frustrated and doubtful and so I told him that I had many more years of experience in life and that I knew what was best. Reluctantly, the young boy followed and the longer he did, the sadder he got. He was used to bright colors and vibrant sounds; but this road had neither. I kept telling him to hold on and have faith, it would get better; but it never did. Even with no sign of hope, he stayed committed to my words and seemed to want to believe that I would in fact prove to him what I had been saying was in fact true.
After a couple of hours both of us were exhausted. We had not realized it but we had lowered our heads as we walked and were only seeing the road right in front of us. We stopped for a break and raised our heads to look up ahead and were struck with panic.. The road stretched about 20 more feet and then ended abruptly!! We no longer had the benefit of its direction nor did the end of the road have any grand rewards for our laborious walk. There was no prize for holding onto the certainty as we did for all of the hundreds of miles we walked.
I could not bare to look at him because I knew I had failed us both. He had put faith and trust in me and I had led him to a dead end. I knew that if I looked at him, I would be ashamed of what I had done. but I had no choice, I had to comfort this little boy who had followed me all of this way. I had to console him and convince him that things would be okay.
I turned down to look at him, expecting to see tears, but I saw the opposite. The little boy stood there smiling and rubbing his hands together. What I had seen as a dead end, he saw as an opportunity. Without saying a word, he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the road and into the desert. I fought as hard as I could to not turn around and go back to the safety of the road. I tried hard not to think about the past and where I may have gone wrong or missed a turn. Instead, I trusted in the young boy to lead me, the way he had trusted in me.
Within minutes we were surrounded by trees, plants, flowers, and exotic animals. The sights were amazing, but equally incredible were the sounds that we heard. This was like a fantasy playground for grownups and kids alike. Suddenly an amazing new feeling came over me. I tried to define this new feeling as we walked through the fruit filled trees and mossy green grass but my attention kept getting pulled away
After a short time it hit me and I knew what this feeling was; it was the feeling of “UN-certainty!” Like putting knew batteries into a flashlight I found myself with a glow I had not seen in many years and I was CERTAINY that the UN-certainty was exactly what I needed in this moment. I was lost and found at the same time and it felt perfect
What may have been hours, seemed like minutes. I felt recharged and full of life. I didn’t know where I was heading, but for the moment I was happy. In this moment I was a kid again; and then something amazing happened. The little boy stopped and pointed up ahead. There before my eyes I saw a newly paved road just a straight as the first one I walked for so many miles, but with an obvious difference. This road had trees along the roadside, birds in the trees, and the sound of a gentle wind.
The little boy and I stepped back onto the road and continued to walk with new purpose and vigor. We didn’t say anything, but we both knew what the other was thinking. Our journey continued just as it began; with purpose.
The moral of this story is simple; when you’re walking thru life, do not to stay on the wrong path just because it’s what you’re used to and comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to trust the child that is in all of us; the one who wants you to take chances, play from time to time, and walk new trails. Believe that life is here to serve you and that certainty and UN-certainty work equally in your favor. Keep that balance and life promises to get you where you need to be. Be a grown up and take charge when you have to, but don’t be afraid to play every so often. Be open to these principals and you’ll find a better path, and will stay young forever!!
JKD
10/25/15
by Jay Duplessie | Oct 18, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Ouch……
This morning I found myself failing (By my standards) in a very big way. And what has stuck with me the most all day, is that it was due to laziness. Kind of wondering when I slipped into this rut and wondering who else feels like this.
As someone who has taught the same Saturday 9:00 am spin class at the same gym for over 15 years, you could say I have developed a style, a format, and a following. I teach other days and sub many classes, but to my recollection have never taught a Sunday 9 am at this particular gym. I was asked to do so by someone desperate for a sub. I said “only as a last resort” because Sunday is the one day that I have my kids the whole day. During the week they go to school and Saturdays ,y ex wife has them half the day. So Sundays are without a doubt the most valuable day of the week to me. But as I know the feeling of being desperate for a sub, as I am sure you all do, I decided to help him out.
15 years ago I would have prepared, made a new song list, polled the people at the gym OR the instructor on what “their style is” so I can adapt a little and combine his with mine. Even some of his music may have made a difference.
Now you all know what happened so I won't bore you with the details. I am sure everyone reading this can relate to members who only like the regular instructor and don't like a sub no matter who the sub is. I have experienced both sides of that. But today was different. Today I had to look my self in the mirror and say “I lost my mojo and have gotten too lazy in my preparation.” I used to prepare my music, my quotes, my stories, and got excited to teach every single class. Lately all I have are excuses. I was able to use the divorce as an excuse for a year……but that's getting old. I still use the “I am a single dad with two toddlers” excuse but that too has worn itself out. Then there's the “I can't stand the new pop music out there” which is still extremely valid lol but truth be told I could be searching harder; even if it's to find better music from the 80's and 90's. Maybe if I had done SOMETHING different today, 5 people wouldn't have walked out in the first 30 minutes of class. All I know is, it's time to get off my ass and find my mojo again. Attached is a story/metaphor about how I plan to do LIFE from now on. Time to stop whining about my marriage ending, my limited free time, my chronic back pain…….in fact it's time to stop bitching all together. I have more Joy, Happiness, Gifts than any one deserves and it's time I start acting like it. If you're in the same rut as me, than let's get off our asses together !! DEAL ?????
Getting to the Top
We’d been climbing all day long, and the wheels on my bike had seen better days. Today’s stage would finish at the top of the mountain and then a well-deserved rest would follow. Knowing I had only a mile left to go, I set my sights on the road ahead, and the three cyclists in front of me.
Maybe it was the fatigue, or maybe it was my imagination, but when I looked up ahead and saw the three remaining opponents, I saw words on their back. A closer examination revealed that each one had a single word in big bright letters stretched between their shoulders. Directly in front of me was the first opponent wearing the label “ Good.” In front of him was the opponent labeled “Great,” and the person in the lead wore the label “Excellent.” I thought to myself, “where do I fall in this group?” I decided I needed to find out.
I had little time to think about what I had done thus far, it was much too important to focus on what I was going to do now! If I wanted to reach the top first, I would have to do much better than “Good.” I tightened my grip on the handlebars and drove my heels into the pedals. My speed increased and I pulled onto the left side of “Good.” Digging into every stroke, I quickly pulled up beside Good, and then it hit me; I was much better than good! Not missing a beat, I pushed thru the strokes and before I knew it, I passed him. I moved back into the right lane and reflected on my victory.
Second later, my focus shifted to Great. If I wanted to reach the top first, I would have to be better than Great as well. So with the same tenacity as before, I rose out of the seat and crushed the pedals. I pushed as hard as I could and though I made progress, I could see that Great was much harder to pass than Good. But I didn’t give up, and the hard work paid off. I was there, beside Great. He looked at me and saw without a doubt that I was not satisfied here. I still needed to be better than Great. Seconds later, I pulled ahead and took my new place in front of Great.
In the last few minutes I had eaten up half the distance to the top. One person left between the top and myself. Excellent rode strong and I could see that his strength was only equal to his confidence. He turned back to look at his follower He smiled at me, and then turned back front. I knew that if I would ever win this, I would need to attack strong. There would be no time for chatting or even thinking, I just needed to throw everything I had into the climb and let my body do the rest. Without hesitation, I jumped out of the seat and began my attack.
Completely shocked at my attempt, Excellent found himself caught off guard. As I slingshot’d past him, he tried to recover, but it was too late. I had the upper hand and I gained distance with every pedal stroke. In a matter of seconds I had the lead, and after almost a minute, I had made enough gain to seal the deal. The hill was mine and today I owned the stage.
I managed to look ahead and there it was. The finishline. Fifty yards from my grasp, it stretched across the road in the form of a yellow ribbon. As I gleamed with pride and exhaustion, I felt a shift in my bike. Before I could react, my bike collapsed. The abuse I had put on it in the last mile proved to be too much. I never felt pain from the fall, at least nothing external. Instead, I felt pain within. I had worked so hard that day and had proven that I was better than Good, better than Great, and better than Excellent. How could, after all of that, it not be enough?
As I laid stretched across the road, I heard nothing around me. The world was silent, except the sound of my own spirit screaming for me to “GET UP!” But a closer look at my bike revealed that it had been rendered useless by the fall. I changed my focus from the bike, to the opponents whose position I had taken moments earlier. They saw the fall, and were all coming towards me at full speed. They saw an opportunity and were ready to take it.
Suddenly, my inner voice took control. It said that if I was better than Good, Great, and Excellent, than what must I be? In the standards of life, when you are “almost” to the top, what does it take to get you there? One word came to mind, and it was that one word that I knew I possessed within myself, otherwise I would not have made it this far. So like any champion would do, I stood up, wiped the dirt and blood from my knees, picked up my broken bike, andstarted running towards the top. Race rules state that a cyclist must past the finish line “with” their bike, and not necasarily “on” it.
At this point, win lose or draw, I was being my best. I was being unstoppable. No amount of pain, no amount of bad luck was going to keep me from finishing this the way I started it. And when I reached the last 5 yards, I knew I had done it. I leaped forward and broke thru the yellow ribbon. Only a few feet behind me were my three opponents Good, Great, and Excellent. Any thoughts they had about why I was able to do what I did, were quickly put to rest, because just like them I too wore a label. And when they saw it, they knew that today like any other day, OUTSTANDING was better than Good, Great, Or Excellent.
The lesson?
When you’ve done your best, and have outdone Good, Great, And Excellent…………That’s when you really have to start working. Outstanding is a higher standard and it takes courage, tenacity, and determination to get to this level. Anyone can be less than that, only a few find the guts to rise above and take what’s theirs! So the next time you feel excellent………….. get off your ass, pick up the bike, and be OUTSTANDING!
JKD
10/18/15
by Jay Duplessie | Oct 1, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Has this ever happened to you……..
The other day someone from class, who I have seen in class for probably 10 years, finally came up and talked to me. I honestly do;t remember what she said because I was too astounded by her voice, accent, and personality lol Ever had that happen where you see someone week after week after week but have never spoken to them or hear their voice ? I have several people like that.
Anyway, in my mind I had this vision of a very quite, delicate, peaceful little flower haha. NOPE. After 10 years, when she did speak to me, this person who seemed like the quite girl in the back of the class turned out to be this very loud, base eeee voice with the deepest Russian sounding accent I have ever heard. All of 5′-2″ and 100 lbs, you would have that this was a 400 lb lady named Olga !! lol Point is, it got me thinking about how many judgements do I make about people on a day to day basis. How many times do I assume that “He must do this for a living” or “She is probably a party girl” etc etc. So as I often do, I wrote a story about it =) In full disclosure, this is a fictional story. I said from the beginning that I would always tell you up front if my story was fictional. This one is to hit home a message, and hit it hard because although TRUE story of the Russian lady in my class is funny, I think that my fictional story will hit closer to home.
Enjoy.
Same Day, Different Guy
A man sits on the subway, down on his luck, angry at the world, and basically
just full of negative thoughts. Up to this point, life had not been fair to him.
Someone else always got the promotion, someone else always got the girl,
and someone else was living the life that was supposed to be his. So with hatred and distrust,
and the time to use it, he sits on the subway ready to judge those around him.
As he stares down the aisle at the many faces, he acts as if he knows them
all. For instance, that lady wears too much makeup, so she must be a tramp.
That guy buries his head in a book, so he must be a nerd. There's the
business man with the fancy suit talking on his cell phone, must be a
corporate big wig who steps on everyone in his path. Maybe the girl with the
purple hair and the ripped up leather coat is looking for her next robbery
victim. But today, today he chooses to hate the bald man.
Sitting in the corner is a white man, dressed in a suit with a long black
overcoat. He's about thirty-five years old, too young to have lost all his
hair naturally. So why is he bald, and why is he smiling? What does he know? Maybe
he's a racist. Maybe his head is shaved because he belongs to a white
supremacist group. Yeah, that must be it. And maybe he is smiling because
thoughts of hate are running through his mind, and when he gets off this
train, he will unleash that hate onto someone weaker than him.
Someone of another color or race. What a terrible man he must be.
So the man that sits on the subway, down on his luck, angry at the world, has
found today's victim. Someone to hate, someone to judge, someone he can be
better than on this day when it’s easier for him to point fingers than to have
compassion for those around him. With an agenda like that, there is no need to improve
oneself. No need when there are so many other people he can judge and put
beneath him. And as the train slows to a stop, and the “racist” gets off the
train with his smile and his baldhead. Mr. negative wonders who this mans unlucky
victim will be.
Across town, a few hours later, a little girl lies in bed with her mom. Dad
is late from work. He missed dinner………He never misses dinner. As the
little girl listens to her mom reading the nightly bedtime story, she can't
help but wonder where her daddy is.
Today was another hard day for the little girl. Life played a cruel trick on this little angel a year prior. At the age of eight, she was told that she had cancer. This is allot to handle for anyone, especially a little girl. A year had passed and the Chemotherapy really started to take its toll. The kids at school found it so easy to tease, to judge, to make fun of the little girl who had to wear hats all day, even indoors. But even hats drew less attention than the baldhead she wore underneath.
The night before, it was her daddy that read the bedtime story. He tried so
hard to make her feel special, make her feel comfortable. When he looked at her, all he saw was a part of himself; the very best part, and he loved her more than life itself.
Over the last few months he tried gifts, words, and jokes to lift her spirits. But as he read
the story that night before, he realize that nothing he could say or give could show his little girl that he knew what she was going thru. But on that night, he realized that it wasn't as important for him to “feel” what she was feeling, it was more important for her to know that he was “there” for her. It was more important for her to know that he didn't hate her, judge her, or look down on her because of her head without the beautiful hair she once had.
As mom turned the page of the book, they both heard a noise in the kitchen. Mother
and daughter immediately looked at the bedroom doorway, knowing exactly who it would be, Dad was home.
He walked into the doorway of her room and smiled. They both looked at him, mouths wide open, and speechless. In a quiet voice, like nothing was wrong, he asked if he could finish the story that mom had started. Without a word mom got up, walked to her husband, kissed him on the forehead, and left the room.
Dad walked to the bed and sat down. The little girl, still speechless, laid
her head on his shoulder. He picked up the book and before he began reading
he said the following,
“Sorry I was late dear, I had to get my haircut.”
The little girl said, “I know daddy,” and as she rubbed his BALD HEAD she
whispered, “thank you daddy, I Love you.”
The moral of this story is that the racists you thought was sitting next to
you, very well may have been the greatest Dad in the world. Don't judge
people until you really know them.
by Jay Duplessie | Sep 16, 2015 | Jay Duplessie, Motivation
Something amazing happened to me after class this week. Somebody came up and said “thank you for the motivational story you told during class. I came in here down in the dumps, but I'm leaving in a much better mood and feeling grateful for what I have instead of what I don't. Thank you.” I have no doubt that every instructor reading this right now has experienced this at least once, but probably hundreds of times. And when I think back on the 20 years I've been doing this, I can say that it happened more than a couple and I've always appreciated. But there was something about it this time that made a bigger impact on me. It actually stuck with me all day. Let me see if I can better understand why myself by writing to you. Sometimes that's the best way for me to figure out things is to write it down =)
I have said this before, but I feel so lucky to teach in what I believe is one of the best clubs in the country. Having traveled to every state in the US when I worked for Corporate America (yuck), I can say that I've seen hundreds of gyms without any exaggeration. Where I teach now, we have a slogan………although slogan is probably the wrong word. The point is, our “slogan” is (Insert Club name) “the best part of your day.” (As I don't know the rules of the site, I won't say the name) Call it a slogan, call it a motto, call it a cliche, or call it a tag line, it doesn't really matter because the question is, do we mean it ? And I don't mean in the sense of “we have a very cool slogan” but I mean are we really trying to make an impact on these peoples lives each and every day. Because when I look back on my last 20 years, I can honestly say there have been people who have made me feel like the simple act of telling them a story in the middle of our workout has affected them deeply. I have had people tell me they “cried” in my class and although I acknowledged it then, now as i sit here I am floored that I didn't give this person a huge hug and REALLY thank them for taking the time to tell me that. There have been people who have taken my class, moved away, and returned for a weekend and made sure to come take my class. Everyone of us has had this happen I'm sure, but for some reason in my life right now, it seems so much more significant. I would be interested to know how many of you have stopped to think about what a gift this is that we have, being able to impact somebodies health, mindset, vitality, mood, and so on and so on and so on. Because right now I can't think of a better reward for giving one hour of my day.
But back to digging deeper into “why now,” I ask myself why the type of comment that I've heard several times over 20 years, seems to mean so much more to me now than in the past ? Is it that I just turned 45 and getting soft ? Is it that it just took longer to sink in ? Is it that being newly divorced I am grasping for any recognition that I have done something right ? I venture to say all the above. For me the best part about being married was that I had a purpose every single day and that was to do my best to make her life better. Granted, I was not perfect, but I will put my stats up against 90% of the husbands out there and stand tall that I did a pretty damn good job. And as a father, my role is the same. Putting their needs in front of my own every day. I enjoy having that responsibility and probably do it to the extreme with my kids. A parent would understand what I mean. When you have a child, there doesn't ever have to be any thought or consideration on whether you would step in front of a train to save them, it's instinctual!! And as an instructor (sorry for the dramatic metaphor about the train LOL) although I am working out when I teach, it has NEVER been about my workout, it's always about theirs. And I think after 20 years I am finally learning that I love knowing I am able to impact someone's day. That something I do or say CAN make a difference.
When I started writing for the site I said that I'm not the guy to come to for the technical aspects of cycling. It's not now, nor has it ever been my strength or focus. I'm a story teller who enjoys using stories and metaphors to motivate my class. And this week I think it finally hit me that I may actually be hitting the mark with a few people. We all need a mission or strength as an instructor so that the people who resonate with US will gravitate to our class. It's not about one instructor being better than another, it's about realizing our strength and being consistent to that strength until the numbers find us. And if my foo foo style is too spiritual or earthy for the more traditional cyclist spin instructor than I am okwith that. BUT don't ever forget that even the members in your class, even though they may not say it, ARE being effected in a positive way by you in more ways than you/we think. You can't always gauge how you changed someone'sday/week/year or life by how much weight they lost or how now they can maintain a lower heart rate on a sprint. Sometimes it's deeper than that. Sometimes you made the type of difference that spreads like wild fire through their entire circle. And if that isn't a gift than I don't know what is. I don't miss my ex wife at all, but I miss TERRIBLY being a husband. I miss the responsibilities that came with being the person who could make her day better. And maybe this is why now hearing that I played a part in a members day is hitting so close to home for me. It doesn't really matter why, and you certainly don't need the same reasons I have, but let me just say this and let it sit. You are often “the best part of their day” and that my friends is worth more than any paycheck you make or whatever brand bike you're riding. So if you're taking those compliments for granted than stop, acknowledge it, hear it, and give yourself a big hug because you earned it.
I hope I am resonating with some of you and that my style is uncovering aspects of your teaching that you may not have been using enough of. Enjoy your gifts !!
Jay
by Jay Duplessie | Sep 13, 2015 | Engage Your Students, Jay Duplessie, Motivation
I thought I would break from the routine just a bit, and rather that share a “story” this week, I would share some of the fun metaphors I use during my sprints with class.
SPRINT DRILL #1
Many years ago I saw a T-shirt for a Track and field team and on the back of it it had the words “If you can read this, then I'm winning.” I always loved that quote and so I made a fun game of it. Since almost all of my sprint songs (and most songs for that matter) have 3 choruses in them, I find two other quotes and run the drill this way.
*Describe the race any way you like (A marathon, a Cycling race, even a car race) and tell them they are behind someone and as they get closer, they see on the back of their shirt (insert your favorite quote) and in an explosive voice tell them to pass. Do it again with a second quote, and then use the “If you can read this……” quote last. Works every time.
SPRINT DRILL #2
Tell them they are either in a car or on a bike on a two lane highway. THIS Highway is the “Highway of Life.” They are in the right lane and in the left lane is fast moving on coming traffic wizzing by. Again, using a typical 3 chorus sprint song. At first chorus tell them the left lane oipens up and they have to take the left lane and sprint like hell before the left lane fills back up with on coming traffic. Do the same thing for the second on. But on the third one tell them it doesn't look like “life” is gonna open up that lane and that when “Life” throws you this challenge, you do what winners do and create your OWN opening by using the breakdown lane and sprint like hell.
RUN DRILL
Play a typical Run song with a steady temp. Tell them they are on a log like the old time loggers wearing those spiked shoes and they are competing against someone else. Remember when those lumber jack games used to play on TV ?? So they have to run without bouncing imagining they are on this log, trying to knock off the opponent.
HILL DRILL
One of my favorite things to say during a hill climb is to imagine they are walking in waste deep snow, climbing a hill. Increasing the resistance means the hill incline is getting steeper and steeper. And then when you think you have them close to their limit, Tell them you just hooked a sled to the back of their belt and on that sled is everyone and everything that means anything to them and that they MUST get them to the top of the hill !!
More stories coming soon !!
