Have you ever been in a hotel, friends spare bedroom, or anywhere that you would find yourself staring up at the ceiling and thinking to yourself “huh, I wonder if they know there’s a crack in the ceiling?” Well I have, both literally and figuratively over the last 15 months and I’d like to reflect a little.
I’m typing this from a balcony on the Disney Fantasy Cruise ship. My kids are finally asleep after a LOOOONG amazing day on the ship which ended with a pajama night movie in one of the huge full size Disney Theatres. We watched “Inside Out” in 3D and if you haven’t seen it, you must !!! I’m a man of constant connecting of the dots to create metaphors not only for my class but also for myself and this movie is literally the best written extended metaphor on life, our thoughts, and our personalities that I have ever seen or imagined. I had a book idea 10 years ago that I shared with a handful of people that had a similar concept as this movie, but no where near as brilliantly or well scripted as this and in a way that a 4 year old can understand it while a 45 year old can sit in awwwww. Now, MY book idea seems pretty silly to be honest, even if the “concept” is similar. Anyway, the point is that on this trip I found myself staring at the ceiling on the first night, in a Hyatt hotel at the Orlando Airport. And sure enough……there was a crack in the ceiling.
This week I had a whole different plan for my post, which got side tracked because I didn’t account for all the effort it was going to take to bring my 2 and 4 year old by myself on an airplane and then onto a Disney cruise ship lol =) Luckily my mom and niece met me for the cruise portion so I am not alone now. But that night in the hotel, staring up at the ceiling, wide awake, I found myself writing a whole different post.
Although it may not seem it, I have tried hard to keep my personal life (my divorce) out of my writing lol Can you believe it ?? I thought for sure I was back 100% to the old me, only writing upbeat and positive stories. And this one will be too, and if it comes out the way it sounded in my head, then it may be my favorite one yet. But to get to the point, I need to share a brief bit of not so “upbeat” recent history.
So the reason I found myself up late the night before the cruise, staring at the ceiling of a Hyatt hotel, was that 15 months ago I was in that same hotel waiting for an urgent flight home after finding out my wife of 4 years, and mother of my kids, was having at least two “phyiscal affairs” and at least three others that I can only speculate on based on pages and pages of sext messages. No not text, “sext.” Being back in that hotel brought back a ton of crap. And the “crack in the ceiling” was methorically the exact same thing that it felt like when I found out I was being disrespected and cheated on. I went from thinking I had a solid marriage with no more than the average amount of very minor issues, to realizing I not only had a crack in the hull, but a total breech and my ship was filling with water faster than any amount of repair or pumping could fix. My ship was going down fast and by the time I hit the Denver Airport later that day, I had found out so much about the prior four months that it was obvious the ship not only sunk, but in reality wasn’t a ship at all. I’d been tricked into thinking one thing when the exact opposite was happening right under my nose.
Why is this important to my post? Well what I think I realized the other night, while staring at that crack in the ceiling, was that since this all started (15 months ago) I have done nothing but look for cracks in my every day life, literally AND figuratively. I live in a home that was built 10 years ago and if you have ever been in this position you know that around this time you need to start replacing pretty much everything. The floor, the carpet, the roof, repaint the outside, etc etc etc. So as I mentioned in an earlier post, rather than enjoy the areas I have redone recently, I focus only on the “other cracks” I see all over the house that need my constant attention to fix and repair. I did the same thing when the marriage ended at first, I looked and looked and looked for all the cracks I had not seen and when I finally opened my eyes I saw them, and they were everywhere. I do it as a parent too. I have been working so hard to keep my kids in a good school where they have stability and also pull off paying for this Disney Cruise, that I have cracks all through my health now. Back so bad I can’t hardly get out of bed some mornings. Weight creeping back up. Bags under my eyes all the time and I can’t remember a good nights sleep in at least 15 months. But my stubborn pride is such that it won’t let the fact that my “marriage ship” sank effect the ability to keep my “Family ship” afloat. So even though I am exhausted, I haven’t missed one family holiday with the kids to make sure they saw Thanksgiving, Christmas, and even their moms birthdays over the last year and a half even though I was in pain, and this vacation was no different. But in doing all of this, I sacrificed things that ARE important and that is my physical health. The point is, by trying to avoid cracks in one area of my life, I have created enormous ones in other parts. And just like if you were spending the night at a friends and noticed one while sleeping in their extra bedroom (a crack in the ceiling), the fact is they probably have no idea it’s there because they don’t sleep in that bed and weren’t looking for it. So should you tell them ? Would that knowledge evolve into a day of them on a ladder patching it only to find that the wall needed it to, then if you’re painting the spare room, shouldn’t they do the hall, then the living room, then the kitchen, etc etc ? Or are they better off not knowing for now? Does that crack really matter or could they be focusing on more urgent matters?
So that’s as far as I got on that “story” that I didn’t finish in my head because something incredible happened today. After chewing on that story idea for a day and a half, I was alone with the kids (alone meaning no mom or niece, but surrounded by hundreds of strangers) on deck 11 of the ship. This is where the pools are along with the place we have spent most of our time (the soft serve ice cream machines that my son is addicted to like crack). I was sitting with the kids who were wrapped in towels, shivering from being at the pool all day and now the little 80 degree wind was making them a tad bit cold. Without knowing it I found myself fixated on my son Brady’s cheek, then his nose, then his ear, then his lips, then his beautiful brown eyes. I kept thinking “I helped make this beautiful human being.” I saw the lines from his skin being waterlogged from a full day soaking in the chlorine, the cracks on his lips from being dried by the sun, the way his hair was pointing in 1 million directions from the wind blowing it, and the dried vanilla ice cream that covered his face, neck, and belly. And in that second, that moment, I realized I had been staring at him for close to 10 minutes just taking in every single micro millimeter of that boys face like I was studying it for the SAT’s !! And may god strike me dead if I am lying, I began to feel a lump in my throat and eyes welling up because I realized that I have been so focused on trying to do everything I can for them and fought so hard on SO many issues during the divorce, that I had begun to lose focus on some MUCH more important things. I “see” my kids almost every day, but what I realized is that “seeing” them isn’t the same as what I was experiencing in that moment. I felt like I was seeing them for the first time and it felt awesome. And I began to wonder what it’s gonna take to stop dwelling on the cracks that just don’t matter so that I can spend MORE time on the ones that do. Because honestly if I don’t patch some very serious cracks soon (my health for one) than not much else is going to matter.
So if you have time this week, metaphorically speaking, look around at your home for cracks. Look at the way you teach class, and are you putting too much emphasis on one thing and not enough on another ? Life is hard enough without us putting on extra baggage and expectations of ourselves especially if it’s on things that don’t suit us or make us better. Because there is going to come a day when you’re counting your “moments” and those either caused you great pain or great pleasure……….and no one wants to feel like they patched the wrong cracks. Now go out there and promote the “good” kind of crack 😉 I know I will !!
Have you ever been in a rut and not known why ? Maybe in your workout ? Possibly in your teaching style, music, or even time slot ? How about in a relationship, or a career? I'm fortunate (as I am sure most of you are) in that I get to be a cycling instructor because I love it and not because it pays the bills.The reality for most of us who do this is that after music, clothes, gas to the gym and whatever else we spend it's unlikely we walk away with a profit that can be measured in that green paper so many of us obsess over. But I can say now, with my hand to god, that without my position as a spin instructor I would be lost. A very big part of it has to do with the amazing people I work with. People who saw me through a career change, watched me realize my dream of becoming a dad TWICE, and most of all propping me up during my divorce when I just needed an office to duck into so that I could cry. My gym has become my family. The members who come to my class are like friends and the two classes a week that I teach are like fuel for my soul. Saying I love the opportunity doesn't even begin to express how I really feel. And I hope you all feel the same about this thing we do and the place(s) we do it.
I'm at a unique place in my life right now though. At 45 I have come to realize that nothing in this life is as simple as I thought it would be when I was young. The “golden rules” our grand parents taught us seem to be nothing more than a fantasy to some people. I used to think that if you worked hard, you could have more than enough………..but that's not the case is it? As a self employed small business owner, and a single dad, I can say without exaggeration that I put in 100 plus hours a week and hardly ever feel like I am getting ahead. I don't know how someone who makes minimum wage can even afford to eat!! Sometimes I feel like the only place left where “the harder you work, the better results you get” is in the gym and for ME in my class! But what makes this a “unique” time for me is that while I am going thru these paradigm shifts in my life, I am watching my two young children seeing the world with fresh eyes. For them everything is so simple. My daughter will say the sweetest things and ask the sweetest questions about life and without fail she always seems to do it right when I am feeling this dis-appointment in how unfair or unbalanced something seems. So I've found myself saying in my head “Oh I wish I could think like that again.” And then it hits me that I can!! I control my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I have the power to believe anything I want. I have the ability to learn a new way of thinking and to give up old habits that don't serve my purpose.
One thing you are bound to hear me say if you ever come to my class is that “I am more relaxed and more focused on the moment when I am in that spin room than any other time.” And that includes getting a massage !! No joke !! If I get a 90 minute massage, the first 85 minutes I am thinking about all the things I have to do when it's done and then the last 5 minutes I am thinking “I wonder how much time is left.” But when I am teaching a class, I am THERE !! Never wondering who is texting. Never curious what's on TV. Never concerned with what I have to do afterwards. I am just there in that moment, feeling my body alive with energy and passion coursing through my veins. I've said all along in these posts that I consider myself a “story teller” but I also consider myself a “thinker” lol Maybe even an amateur philosopher. I want to know and more importantly UNDERSTAND everything around me. Why things are the way they are and why people do what they do. This trait nearly killed me during the year I went through my divorce. But it's not always a bad thing to have this trait. So when I “think” about why it is that I am most present when teaching a class, I sometimes wonder if it's because I am doing the only “childhood” thing left in my life ! Think about it for a second. Working isn't childlike. Paying bills isn't childlike. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, searching profiles on Match.com, NONE of that is child like. But riding a bike…….that is. I remember vividly the first time I rode my bike without training wheels. I remember being at the end of the driveway, on my white Huffy, with my snow mobile helmet on and my right thumb stretched out like Fonzy right before he did that famous motorcycle jump on TV (and YES I was wearing my Fonzy “AAAAAAAAA” t shirt). So maybe that's what it is, and my soul is connecting on the bike because it remembers the joy of being able to, for the first time, leave my moms side on my own and make my own way to a friends house. FREEDOM right !?!?
I'm rambling, but the point is this. As I learn how to be single at 45, to raise two AMAZING toddlers alone, and regrow my now THRIVING business, I need to focus more on seeing the world through my child's eye. No, that's not a type “o”, I didn't mean my two children's EYES, I meant to say MY child's eye. The little boy who's still very much alive in me. That little man was (is) a dreamer and can teach this old man a lot ! It's time to get back to basics, even if it goes against the grain of how the millennials (just learned that word the other day lol) are taking the planet haha And in my usual way, I wrote a fictional story to share with this message just in case this intro had not done it already.
Thank you again for allowing me to share my thoughts and my journey. The person who asked me to write for this site knew me as a “motivational Spinning Instructor” who told stories to motivate my class, but I am not sure he realized that at this cross roads in my life it's been a struggle to not pull in all the stuff I working through which doesn't always come out like rainbows and butterflies lol But hopefully it's connecting with some of you on some level and deep down the message is truly meant to motivate and inspire. This story is about giving in to the child inside you every once in a while. Go grab a coloring book and new box of crayons and sit down with no tv for one hour coloring and tell me you didn't feel a nudge from your child's eye. And leave that F'n cell phone in your car while you do it !!!!!!!! lol
Have an amazing week.
Follow Me
Last night I had a dream; a dream that moved me. I dreamt that I was walking down a straight road in the middle of the desert. The road was paved, but everything around me felt dry, baron and without color. I kept walking straight down the middle of the road though as if I was waiting for something to happen; as if this road was going to take me somewhere.
I remember being a combination of lonely yet purposeful. It was as if I had convinced myself that all of this, the road and everything around me, was for a greater good. It was as if I was certain that this was the journey I was meant to take and that the certainty I felt was enough to keep me moving forward; that eventually I would find my way to something extraordinary, and so I kept walking.
Every so often, I would see a little boy standing on the side of the road, beckoning me to follow him. But afraid to stray from my path of “certainty,” I could not get myself to stop walking long enough to approach the little boy on the side of the perfectly paved road. So to the little boy’s dismay I just shook my head as if to say “not now” and walked past him, only to see him later on further down the road.
Finally, about the fifth time I passed him, he realized I was not going to come to him and so he walked up unto the road and met me. He turned forward and walked there beside me, in perfect stride, and we talked. He told me about all of the amazing things that he had seen, and how he wanted to take me to those places. But it would involve me leaving my perfectly paved road. “Leave my road?” I thought to myself. “No Way!!” The little boy realized that I would have no part in it so he changed the subject back towards the amazing things he had seen in his own journey. I found myself feeling like his protector; as if he needed me to look after him while he walked “my path.” And sensed that the little boy felt no fear or anxiety and believed that it was his trust in me and the certainty that I possessed in my Journey that made him feel at ease.. The truth however was that this little boy did not need me or my certainty to feel safe and protected because HE had found equal comfort in “UN-certainty” and this detour he was on with me was in fact strengthening his beliefs that every journey has a purpose even if the scenery isn’t all that great.
I shared with him that I also had a purpose and that this perfectly paved road led to something great. I even told him that it was in his best interest to stay with me and follow the road if he really wanted to discover happiness, success, and greatness. After all, this was the road that “everyone” took and had been paved for this very purpose. It’s the path everyone told me to take and “they” would never lie or steer me wrong. I was so certain of it that eventually, the little boy stopped trying to convince me to stray from the path and go his way. I assumed it was because he believed I was right, but the reality had more to do with the wisdom of this little boy knowing that I would need to find out for myself that “certainty” does not always bring you where you want to go.
After some time, he began to look frustrated and doubtful and so I told him that I had many more years of experience in life and that I knew what was best. Reluctantly, the young boy followed and the longer he did, the sadder he got. He was used to bright colors and vibrant sounds; but this road had neither. I kept telling him to hold on and have faith, it would get better; but it never did. Even with no sign of hope, he stayed committed to my words and seemed to want to believe that I would in fact prove to him what I had been saying was in fact true.
After a couple of hours both of us were exhausted. We had not realized it but we had lowered our heads as we walked and were only seeing the road right in front of us. We stopped for a break and raised our heads to look up ahead and were struck with panic.. The road stretched about 20 more feet and then ended abruptly!! We no longer had the benefit of its direction nor did the end of the road have any grand rewards for our laborious walk. There was no prize for holding onto the certainty as we did for all of the hundreds of miles we walked.
I could not bare to look at him because I knew I had failed us both. He had put faith and trust in me and I had led him to a dead end. I knew that if I looked at him, I would be ashamed of what I had done. but I had no choice, I had to comfort this little boy who had followed me all of this way. I had to console him and convince him that things would be okay.
I turned down to look at him, expecting to see tears, but I saw the opposite. The little boy stood there smiling and rubbing his hands together. What I had seen as a dead end, he saw as an opportunity. Without saying a word, he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the road and into the desert. I fought as hard as I could to not turn around and go back to the safety of the road. I tried hard not to think about the past and where I may have gone wrong or missed a turn. Instead, I trusted in the young boy to lead me, the way he had trusted in me.
Within minutes we were surrounded by trees, plants, flowers, and exotic animals. The sights were amazing, but equally incredible were the sounds that we heard. This was like a fantasy playground for grownups and kids alike. Suddenly an amazing new feeling came over me. I tried to define this new feeling as we walked through the fruit filled trees and mossy green grass but my attention kept getting pulled away
After a short time it hit me and I knew what this feeling was; it was the feeling of “UN-certainty!” Like putting knew batteries into a flashlight I found myself with a glow I had not seen in many years and I was CERTAINY that the UN-certainty was exactly what I needed in this moment. I was lost and found at the same time and it felt perfect
What may have been hours, seemed like minutes. I felt recharged and full of life. I didn’t know where I was heading, but for the moment I was happy. In this moment I was a kid again; and then something amazing happened. The little boy stopped and pointed up ahead. There before my eyes I saw a newly paved road just a straight as the first one I walked for so many miles, but with an obvious difference. This road had trees along the roadside, birds in the trees, and the sound of a gentle wind.
The little boy and I stepped back onto the road and continued to walk with new purpose and vigor. We didn’t say anything, but we both knew what the other was thinking. Our journey continued just as it began; with purpose.
The moral of this story is simple; when you’re walking thru life, do not to stay on the wrong path just because it’s what you’re used to and comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to trust the child that is in all of us; the one who wants you to take chances, play from time to time, and walk new trails. Believe that life is here to serve you and that certainty and UN-certainty work equally in your favor. Keep that balance and life promises to get you where you need to be. Be a grown up and take charge when you have to, but don’t be afraid to play every so often. Be open to these principals and you’ll find a better path, and will stay young forever!!
“Bone Thugs-N-Chili Peppers” by The Melker Project
“Vertigo (Redanka Power Mix” by Peter G ReWerk
As many of you know, I live in Colorado and skiing is one of my family's favorite winter activities. Every year we used to look forward to the release of the latest Warren Miller ski movie as the unofficial start of ski season. It became a family tradition to get tickets to the Friday or Saturday night showing at the Paramount Theater in downtown Denver. The later the show the rowdier the crowd, everyone was so amped to get the ski season started. I also knew that the new release meant fresh ski footage and music for my video cycling class. Over the years the footage has remained top notch, but the music has gotten worse and worse, it has gotten so bad that we stopped attending the show two years ago. That year the music was so bad that I wished I had brought my ear buds so I could have put together my own playlist, on my phone, while watching the movie.
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This got my sons, Seth and Christian, and I thinking that we should start using the awesome ski footage that is available on the internet and put it together with music that people actually listen too. Over the years we have created quite a library of ski videos, many that I use in my indoor cycling classes, that we believe is like Warren Miller, only better. I hope you enjoy the work we have done and let me know what you think.
3 song harmonically mixed track, to download Right Click > Save As / Save Target As to download. Open in iTunes and then you'll see this in your Spotify Local File folder.
“Danny, Dakota and the Wishing Well” by A Silent Film
“Can't Hold Us” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
“Vertigo” by U2
Last week I wrote about the “Threshold Check” or “Mini-Threshold Test” that I perform at the beginning of every class. This week I want to share how I teach the full 20 minute FTP (Functional Threshold Power) Test. With this post I have also included the playlist and video I use as well as a recording of me teaching an entire FTP class.
[wlm_private ‘PRO-Platinum|PRO-Monthly|PRO-Gratis|PRO-Seasonal|Platinum-trial|Monthly-trial|PRO-Military|30-Days-of-PRO|90 Day PRO|Stages-Instructor|Schwinn-Instructor|Instructor-Bonus|28 Day Challenge']If you are lucky enough to be teaching on bikes with power I believe it's important to use this technology and all the available metrics to their fullest capacity. I find the most powerful use of a power meter is in finding one's maximum sustainable wattage or threshold. Threshold is that state of equilibrium between high intensity exercise and the body's ability to buffer and filter the waste products produced by this intensity. With a power meter we can find a wattage number that correlates with this state of equilibrium or your FTP (Functional Threshold Power).
Exercise physiologists have devised many different ways to find one's threshold, but I have found the simplest and cheapest technique is to perform a 20 minute effort at maximum sustainable intensity. At the end of this 20 minute effort take note of the average wattage and multiply it by 95% and this number is your FTP. I'll go into greater detail on how to use this number in later posts, but now let's go over how to perform the FTP Test.
I like to have my riders warm up for a minimum of 15 minutes. I'll have them slowly increase their intensity for 10 minutes then I like to have them perform 3-4 one minute “pickups” increasing their intensity each interval while recovering for one minute after each. After a short, 3-5 minute, active recovery from the pickups I have the class perform a maximum effort 5 minute interval. This effort ensures that the lactate buffering and clearance systems are turned on and ready for the 20 minutes test that follows. I also have class participants remember their average wattage for this 5 minutes, it's a good number to refer back to when doing above threshold intervals. After another recovery, about 10 minutes long, we are ready for the 20 minute FTP test. Make sure all your participants know how to reset the bike console so they can get a new average for the 20 minute interval to come. Tell them that this is a very simple test, you want them to ride at the highest possible wattage for 20 minutes. Your job as the instructor is to motivate, but not to talk too much. Let your riders “settle in” to their maximum sustainable wattage and their most efficient cadence and just let them ride. At the end of the 20 minutes make sure they remember their average wattage, multiply it by 95% and they have their Functional Threshold Power. This “Benchmark” test is also great to see improvement over time, with proper training FTP should continue to improve.
Let me know how it goes, my classes love FTP days! They work so hard every day and once a month they get to see the payoff for all sweat and suffering.
6 song harmonically mixed FTP track , to download Right Click > Save As / Save Target As to download. Open in iTunes and then you'll see this in your Spotify Local File folder.
For years I had been patiently waiting for the facilities I instruct in to upgrade their bikes to use power. When these upgrades finally started to happen I was surprised by the different wattage readings I would see, not only, from different brands of bikes but by bikes built by the same manufacturer. I had always assumed a watt is a watt the same way a MPH is MPH or an RPM is an RPM. At first this was VERY disappointing, I have a very technical teaching style and I was hoping to have all my class participants perform a Functional Threshold Power (FTP) Test every 6-8 weeks, calculate their personal power zones and coach each and every class to those zones. Unfortunately, if every bike in the studio reads wattage, even a little bit, differently I would need to adjust my teaching style.
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I needed to figure out a way to use this new technology, even with it's faults, effectively to give my participants the best workout possible. I decided that the FTP test was still going to be an integral part of my programming and I would still perform this test every 6-8 weeks. I asked my class participants to find 2-3 bikes that they believe are similar in wattage readings and ride those bikes as often as possible. Small differences are ok, large ones make zone training impossible. I also needed a technique to “dial in” new riders, those who never performed the FTP and others who may be forced to ride an unfamiliar bike. I decided to start every class with a proper warm followed by a mini threshold test that I call a “Threshold Check”. This “Threshold Check” can last anywhere between 4-6 minutes and I ask class participants to ride at their maximum sustainable intensity or wattage for the duration of this short test. If the bikes are equipped with a console that will show average wattage I ask for the class to find their average wattage for this “Check”. If the bikes do not have a way of reading average wattage I ask the class to be aware of their wattage throughout the “Check” and choose a wattage that they believe is closest to their maximum sustainable wattage. If I'm teaching on a bike that is not equipped with a power meter I still perform this “threshold check” and i do my best to “anchor” effort with threshold RPE. I also like to “anchor” effort and RPE during the FTP . Most FTP tests last 20 minutes, so 10 minutes into a FTP effort I'll explain that the feelings participants are experiencing, slight breathlessness. burning sensation in the legs and the need to stay extremely focused or wattage will drop is how a threshold effort “feels” and I ask them to associate this feeling with whatever RPE number is used as threshold in the facility I'm teaching in.
Now that each participant has a threshold wattage or RPE to work with I break my profiles down into 3 zones: Above Threshold, Around Threshold and Below Threshold. Efforts that are Above Threshold (greater than 106% of threshold) can last up to 8 minutes, efforts around threshold (90-105% of threshold) can last up to 30 minutes and below threshold efforts (less than 90% of threshold) can last up to 3 hours.
Check out the recorded classes below to hear how I use this “Threshold Check” in a class setting.
3 song harmonically mixed track, to download Right Click > Save As / Save Target As to download. Open in iTunes and then you'll see this in your Spotify Local File folder.
